Hi all, I'm on day 42 no PMO. I allow myself MO every day with fantasy - that's how I'm doing it right now. Aware there are other ways to go. Months ago I got onto dating sites and decided that I would go for hookups and/or getting an actual girlfriend, and have been on several dates, hooked up a couple times etc. Pretty cool. However, last week I matched this girl on Tinder who it seems may be anorexic, says she loves really explicit sexual acts, has been in abusive relationships etc etc. At first, this allure to the sexually crazy, actually crazy, wounded hot chick thing kicked in. I came really close to meeting up with her to hook up, then began to feel really icky. Honestly, I think she is a timebomb waiting to go off. Good on me to have set boundaries. So I deleted her number. But then she texted me again. I was lonely, it was night, it was cold. I texted back. We sorted of sexted. Then after orgasm I realized again, this is definitely a bad idea. I told her respectfully to not contact me again, that I need to keep working on myself and not be involved with anyone, but she kept texting. I informed her that continuing to text me is technically a form of harassment, which is illegal, and she said "lol / eye roll." I would feel weird calling the police over something so petty, but just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm not susceptible to emotional abuse in the form of explicit boundary violations. Finally, I downloaded an SMS blocking app on my android. But it notifies me of when a "blocked text" comes in, and it logs it into a little area in the app. I can sit there and view her texts still. What I want is to make it so that she cannot text me AT ALL, and that I can delete her number and never talk to her again. I am really serious about this. At this time in my life I am worried that if I have access to this girl I am going to give in to my shitty impulses and break my own personal boundaries late at night, hook up, and enter into something with some crazy chick with borderline personality disorder. Have been down that road before, it was hell. I don't want advice like "bang her be a real man" or "don't be a little bitch - just don't text her back then dumbass." I am seeking empathy and proactive advice. Thank you.
Haha, after writing that I googled some stuff and then contacted my service provider to see if they can block her number. And apparently you can file a police report. So I may have to do that if she doesn't leave me alone after a few more days. The hard thing for me though is that yesterday after journalling all this out and making a 100% clear decision to not contact her, I texted her again last night. It's the same exact addictive process as with porn, except with a real person. "Whatever, it will feel good." Ironically, a real person who is unstable and needs mental help, is probably more dangerous than porn. :/
I'd suggest getting off all the dating sites and reevaluate your goals. MOing everyday seems to be leading you down a dangerous road. Clean up your mind for a few weeks and your desire for unhealthy relationships will subside.
You should consider telling somebody you know well - family member or a friend and ask for advise and support. If you don't decide for this I propose leaving all media/electronical devices. Just simply don't youse your phone, don't watch television and don't use compuer/internet for 2-4 days. If it's impossible, try to reduce amount of time spend doing theese things to miminum. Show yourself you can really change your life and leave all unnecessary things. But that's just my advise. I would also suggest trying to do hardmode for few days. Try it bro - it's really helpfull!
