Hello again, after 8 days and few hours the pattern shows up: Abstinence, Spuression of urges, Accumulation, Discharge, Chaser, Writing a new Thread. Well, with opening this thread I try to be a sober and neutral obverser of myself. I was not able to resist the urge, it was too tempting. So I deciced to give up to it. I did not watch porn, but it was a deep and sexist imagination triggered by pictures. During these 8 days I was once able to flee from a very bad trigger, but I was supported by the circumstances (masterclass was just about to begin.) I realized that at some point in time I don't really care about the bad effects of this kind of wolfish mindset, and in these situations I dont take them serious. Does that mean, that things are not made clear enough? Maybe there should be more TED talks about that. Additionally there is also another key aspect: Willpower. If there is willpower, then it is almost impossible to not achieve the goal. Is it true that willpower can vanish? I know the difference between beeing exhausted and having willpower very good. And for a long time, I am exhausted. There is not much energy left
I try to give me the chances that I need. But I will give me an ultimatum: Next time (if) I relapse, it will be the last time, that I have been active in this forum. Then the journey is to be taken alone.
its also my 8th day maybe, watch videos on youtube on nofap tutorials. That helps me, everybody's different. When you have those urges (they make you uncomfortable so you give in)so "get comfortable being uncomfortable" -NOFap Academy-
I dont know if it is will power or somehting else. What exactly is willpower? I bet if I held you hostage for 90 days with a gun to your head and I told you I would pull the trigger if you fapped you wouldnt fap, whatever triggers I presented before you, right?Shouldnt that mean you have the necessary willpower to go through with it? I think what it comes down to is just making a choise and being totally responsible for what happens. Triggers are not a valid excuse I dont think, if you go for a 20min walk wherever you live youre going to be exposed to >100 triggers, we all know this and we all have to go out sometimes. To be able to get through this we all have to not let the triggers trigger us, just spot them "she looked nice" ok so what.
Also, I dont know if ultimatum is the way to success. You probably know deep down inside if nofap forum is giving you anything or not. If its not, then why ont you quit it right now? In what way would you have a greater chance by going at it alone?
I would be glad if you force me with a colt. But the difference is, that it's my fear, not my goodwill, that holds the urges back. This is the same as beeing in public and fully visible: I haven't felt an urge, while beeing visible in public yet, at least not an unruly urge. I am not completely sure about if an ultimatum is the right direction. To be honest, it was some kind of unconscious plan to trick myself : "If you want to stay here then, damn it, stop fapping." I was abusing my feeling of belonging for this matter.
Willpower is not eternal. It is essentially an energy(an emotion). And like all energy it can be used up. The key is to protect that precious allotment as best you can. Every time you view something/someone that tempts you you have to tap into that energy reserve to fight off giving in. Do it enough times and eventually you will cave in and succumb to temptation. How do you replenish this reserve? Only way I can thing of is time. Remove yourself from all temptation so you are no longer tapping in to the reserve. Then the energy you used will slowly be replaced. I tempted myself earlier today. Which is worse then just being out and about and getting that random temptation. Watched some music videos on youtube I knew could tempt me, but I did it anyway. Now I have to be hyper vigilant until these urges subside and I am at full strength of willpower again. There's no need to blame yourself if you slip due to random chance of temptation. The best of us will fail given enough temptation. However, if like me, you are the architect of your own demise you have to ask yourself some tough questions. Why did you do it? Do you really want to be here? Are you ready to change? Just to name a few questions. Fortunately I caught myself this time and was able to stop before I went too far. Next time I may not be so lucky. So, take a day or two if you need to. Regain your bearings and your focus. And begin anew. We will still be here with open arms ready and willing to support you in your new found effort. Stay strong and strive to achieve, Geyser
You're getting a lot of great advice on here. I like what Geyser has to say and I think he's someone to listen to. Don't quit the forum. That's running away and giving your urges the reward they now want. You will feel worse. It's one thing to watch these Ted talks videos and read all of the outstanding advice that is found throught here, but you need to really practice whats being said. That's not easy. This is one giant support group to turn to. Unique because we're not looking each other in the eye sitting in a circle. Who want's that anyway! But we all also admit we're addicts about something the medical community doesn't formally recognize, yet we know it does. Addicts learn to cope. Urges won't ever go away. The last few years I have been following Taoism and Tantra. I'm now learning to apply it. Moving the urges from my pelvis to my head. Some of these things may not make sense, but one thing I know that makes sense is running away is quitting and quitters never win.
I've learned some things along my journey, maybe they can help you: 1. Trying to do it on your own is impossible. Plain and simple. I'd really like to think that I could walk away and be like "I've got this," but the last 10+ years of fapping just speak against that. Truth is, the times I've done the best is when I'm with other people and I talk about it. I used to have an accountability partner, but life took us different directions eventually... So I joined here, to have community and to stay plugged in with people who will understand what I'm feeling when I feel super triggered. I would encourage you to stay as well Second, dude on the forum said a Cold shower helps with triggers, and this guy talks about how they can help you build up willpower to stand up to the discomfort with urges and porn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvmYINIXN5U After my last relapse, I installed a porn blocker (K9). I can attest that simply knowing that something out there will help block me when I'm most triggered has helped me feel a little safer - like I can trust myself more. Finally, I think the important lesson of a relapse is to consider why it happened... What were you feeling? What were you telling yourself in the moment? What triggered you? Sometimes, the simplest thing is to try to cut out the triggers as much as possible. For me, I'm coming to the realization that it goes beyond porn. It can be ad's, movies with sex scenes, etc.... I'm trying one by one to become more careful in what I allow my eyes to see. I wish you luck bud. Don't give up on yourself. YOU can do this.
that is a hard question to answer obviously. I think you need to figure out what your motives are, why you want to do it. Also be honest with yourself, are your motivations strong enough for you to overcome the urges of 90 days hard mode? maybe just doing no p/fantasies is the way to go for you? Do that for a while and then slowly cut down on the MO in a way that is manageable but still on the limit of being uncomfortable. I found out about nofap over a year ago and Ive had a number of failed attemps since, this time around though I know that something has changed in me, I look at it differently (in a way that I think will make this doable), its hard to describe but it is all these failures that has gotten me to whee I am today. Looking back though, I wish I would have taken the slower approach and gradualy have taken steps to become fapfree, I think it would have been more efficient. Everybody is different, youll read about some people just quitting and never looking back, but not everyone is like that
Someone else said, and it makes sense, no one succeeds in quitting this the first time. All you can do is keep trying. For most of us, who were PMOing daily, the act of quitting should be slowly reducing the dopamine we've pushed into our systems.
