Searching for erection pills: suspicious?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Vixen, Dec 1, 2018.

  1. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

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    My pa husband says he’s been faithful to his reboot of no PMO since Sept 19th. I take that with a big grain of salt considering history presents he doesn’t have qualms lying.

    We embarked on some intimacy and sex last week. But no “O” for him. No surprise. Afterward he was very short and said he was frustrated. Not a winning attitude. And also, amongst our fooling around he did not stay consistently hard. This was the first time we actually included his genitals in any activity. So since he’s allegedly around 50 days or so clean of any O I kind of thought this kind of situation would have him very hard consistently. And/or that he would slip and come to climax quickly. Neither of these were the case.

    So what do you make of that?

    Secondly while I was perusing the accountability app tonight— because he was somewhat withdrawn and insulting towards me earlier— I find that he has searched for “male enhancing erection pills best seller.” On amazon. But deleted that history.

    I had mentioned to him at one point that rebooting is supposed to solve PIED. Though I’m not an expert.

    Red flags? Do you think this is indicative of more duplicitous behavior? Or that his recovery path is longer? Or that this unique man is just so stuck-in-his head anxious that he has trouble maintaining an erection?

    Thoughts welcome.
     
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  2. GSW9

    GSW9 Fapstronaut

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    After years of watching P & MOing depending on the frequency, it will take months or even a year or 2 to heal as a whole.. Being patient in recovery is 1 of the steps to continue it (for both) Rebooting does heal PIED but it varies from person to person, some heal earlier, some heal later..

    I know addictions can lead to lies so better stay cautious while moving forward..

    @kropo82 @GhostWriter can help you further, thanks :)
     
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  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I think that you're indulging in sabotaging his recovery when you participate in any sexual contact with him prior to 90 days. Anything that produces arousal is a problem for him. And even after 90 days, you don't just drop your drawers, and say "let's get it on". You work your way back into it. There's more to recovery from PIED than the typical recovery of addiction. This has also affected him to the point of being physical. STOP engaging with him sexually, do a completely clean 90 days, and then try what you are doing. And if he wants to try it before the 90 days are up? You be the strong one and do and say what you have to. "NO!" He can't. He's a Sex Addict. His looking for "erection pills" tells you that he is constantly thinking about sex. That is his addicted brain at work. Yes, it's a RED FLAG.
     
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  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    My husband has/had PIED.
    And it can take up to years to correct.
    Especially if you take pills....
    Which can make it worse,healing wise.
    It's my opinion that searching for the pills shows premeditation to PMO later.
    He's probably frustrated with not being able to perform with you and wants to enjoy selfish time where he won't disappoint himself.
    Having a whole other person to please and preform with and disappoint is stressful and difficult.
    It's why lots stay so selfish for so long... Especially After PIED.
    It's just easier then

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.
    I know what it's like to so hurt and have to be so patient.
    He doesn't know what he's missing.
    Hugs!
     
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  5. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I can always count on you to bring sanity to this insanity.
     
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  6. BartlebytheScrivener

    BartlebytheScrivener Fapstronaut

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    Erection means A LOT to a man. Failing erection and ejaculation really harms a man's self esteem. It is quite normal that he tries to solve the problem somehow. There is a lot of shame attached. He may not want to discuss this with you, he may be ashamed to go to the doctor.

    There is no guarantee that abstaining from porn will bring back his erection, especially considering his age.
    As a good husband, he surely will be aware of his duty to satisfy his wife. Not in 90 days, but now.

    So please, don't make it harder than necessary for him. Erection pills can be part of the solution. I think it would be good if you were open to this, discuss it with your partner and encourage him to get a prescription via a doctor.

    My wife has urged me to do so and this has been a step forward for us.

    You simply cannot rely on something like nofap to work to 100%. You don't know whether it will work, and you don't know how long it would take. There is nothing wrong or shameful about taking the blue pill.
     
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  7. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    It has been a slow progress
    for me away from pied.
    333 days.

    My SO has been very supportive
    of my recovery,
    Which I am so grateful.

    If she were more demanding
    and harshly disappointing,
    It would be so much more difficult for me.

    Lies and gaslighting
    (By me)
    would add so much more
    struggle; halting trust and understanding.

    No pills for me.
    Seemed wrong,
    but I was guided here
    towards recovery.
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2018
  8. BartlebytheScrivener

    BartlebytheScrivener Fapstronaut

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    so is everything working now after almost a year of no porn and no masturbation?

    I am deeply impressed by that amount of willpower, I have to say!
     
  9. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    Yes, things are much better, no DE;
    have been able to be sexual
    and present with my SO.

    But the bigger thing is by not Continuing thoughts that come up
    • fantasizing about others.
    • Oogling
    • Dwelling on images present in the day today.
    Sometimes I have to simply look straight ahead.

    That’s the will power part.

    The bigger reason is having the SAA part
    building a better spiritual basis inside of me
    from which my motivations come.
    A base to which I can retreat
    when things get tough.

    I’m looking at my resentments
    and things dealing with my selfishness
    and defects; things I can control.

    But you know as well
    it’s not always easy.

    so here we are.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2018
  10. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I do that. It as if they are a ghost and I walk by them as if they aren't even there. Works rather well for me quite actually.
    Me too, and that is the cornerstone of my focus right now.
     
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