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Satisfying SO without penetration. Tips please

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019.

  1. Jul 15, 2019 #1
    ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    Having PIED and during reboot I would like to continue satisfying my SO but can't get an erection. When I do I get PE, so she's left frustrated.

    Problem is that she doesn't like oral sex. She said the only way to satisfy her is penetration. I am thinking about Karezza. I already give her massages, just wondering what you guys do to satisfy your SO without PIV.
     
    ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019
    ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019
    #1
  2. Jul 15, 2019 #2
    The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    May adult toys be an option?
     
    The Lone Ranger, Jul 15, 2019
    The Lone Ranger, Jul 15, 2019
    #2
  3. Jul 15, 2019 #3
    ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    I tried it once, she didn't like it. She wants the real deal. Maybe I'll raise it to her again like its something fun and exciting and not linked to my ED. Maybe take her to a sex shop.
     
    ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019
    ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019
    #3
  4. Jul 15, 2019 #4
    TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like the two of you need to work out an impasse:

    you: penetration not functioning during this stage of reboot
    her: only penetration

    That's not going to work for one of you. Ask her what she thinks would be an alternative. Let her have agency in the decision.

    Does she support your reboot? Do you support her in recovery from your porn use?

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
    TheMightyQuinn, Jul 15, 2019
    TheMightyQuinn, Jul 15, 2019
    #4
  5. Jul 15, 2019 #5
    ironmaing

    ironmaing Fapstronaut

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    She likes that I’m taking care of myself and that I want to improve but she doesn’t believe in nofap.

    I’m very supportive of her changing of mind. Sometimes she’s ok with it, other times she’s not ok with waiting.

    Tonight I saw her. She’s on her period and tired so no pressure. I was massaging her and got close to kissing. I didn’t get an erection as it don’t last very long but I felt that awesome arousal tingling in the penis. So nofap is clearly working. As with my PIED I had nothing before.

    I’ll speak to her to find a solution. She says she needs a bit of space. Not sure what that means. But as she’s on her period, not taking much notice of it.
     
    ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019
    ironmaing, Jul 15, 2019
    #5
  6. Jul 15, 2019 #6
    TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

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    Does she believe in your quitting PMO? Does she want you to do it in another way?

    If I were in your shoes I'd take my cues from her and give her some space. That means you can focus on your reboot.

    I used to look to everyone else to make my decisions. Either I'd want them to tell me what to do or I'd "take their temperature" and make my decisions based on whether or not someone else would like or approve of them. Sometimes, we have to make decisions we know are right for us even when others don't approve. And even when those people are closest to us.

    That being said, please make sure to be available to her and support her through the process. Her feelings matter. Your case does not sound like the more common case of the traumatized partner but I haven't read any of your other posts.

    The challenge I see for the situation you're in, at least the way I'd be feeling if I were in what you described, is how to thread the needle between doing what you know you must do for yourself and resisting pressure from others (which may or may not be coming from their own selfish place) and bending to be supportive in a relationship. That's a tough one to discern sometimes.

    Right now, you've got your answer. You've got some space to give to her and some time to focus on your reboot.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
    TheMightyQuinn, Jul 15, 2019
    TheMightyQuinn, Jul 15, 2019
    #6

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