SA or norm?

I feel here is mostly scenario of men who start pm in puberty or for long time and than it escalates to fooling around and getting strange fetishism. What if it goes other way around? Where are the boundaries and should they be artificial?
My husband is from a divorce family. And was growing up in an environment where most were divorced. He really didn't have good examples. Although he is now only 32 he didn't have good internet for long time. No porn, maybe sometimes something like pictures.
But... His first time sex ever was a threesome with two women. He had a lot of sex a lot of different woman. And than he lived in a big city which is quite famous for Promisecurity. It was easy and norm. I lived with him there also and a lot of people were really surprised that we are living monogamous although we were already two years together. Before me he was in several relationships which were... Hopeless. He was cheating most of them but it wasn't really an issue, cause the relationships was for both kind of stand by. A small fight and went on. A lot of threesomes, cheating, fighting. Basically his life was p. He watched it only time to time. It was a bit more and more with time but his focus was always on real women. At some point he decided that he wants a stable relationship. He met me. Im open minded, but hadn't have much experience. But it didn't bother me much. So he was my first bf, I had fuckfriend before but I ended it pretty soon because it felt meaningless. I actually wanted a good relationship with love and it was always my priority but I didn't have luck in love, so I was like whatever, if I can't get it, just sex is also nice.
Anyways we got together, both of us were thinking it's a one night stand but it got really adventurous afterwards and we spend more time together afterwards than we planned and started long distance relationship. He was and is committed. And he never lies. Also not in previous relationships. I wanted normal, exclusive relationship. In that time I didn't realize how much a challenge was it for him. He always told me how difficult it is to be faithful and how he flirts with other but stops before it goes further. I thought mainly it is because of a long distance relationship and as long as he wasn't cheating I was ok with it.
After a year I moved to him. With time his porn use started to bother me,because he didn't want to o with me. He always tried to satisfy me but he didn't want to o. A lot of cuddling and kind of mercy sex. It was really passionate at the beginning. He was always telling me that he loves me and I am beautiful but I started to notice that he was also more critical about my body or style after p. And always telling about his favourite type of hot and crazy, that the fighting and being in miserable relationship was the most sexy thing. But he chose other and he wants relationship with future and he finds me beautiful and the most important the relationship with me gives him hope for future and he is willing to sacrifice his urges to be with me. And it was fair enough for me. I wasn't jealous and trusted him that he will always stop flirting if it will be too much. And he flirted a lot. And honestly it really don't bother me because I am in control. We've had a threesome with a girl. They initiated it and I approved, I also wanted to try. It wasn't bad, interesting, but not my thing. He was thrilled and stopped his urge to have novelty for awaile, it satisfied him. Some time later we wanted to do it fair and we had threesome with a guy but it didn't really work... Not his fault, not mine. But I also realized I didn't need it. Not like he needed it. I like more experience and not novelty. That was it with adventures.
His pm bothered me much more cause it affected directly our sex life. It took years till he understood that but now he is 3 months on nofap.
He always told me it's not p he craves but other women and p is substitute for it. And especially cheating cause it's forbidden fruit. And his p is also that that I know he likes in real life. It's actually funny since we started to think about children he started to look for impregnation porn...
Anyways, he is really committed. He made a lot of positive changes also on other fields to be a good husband and he is really carrying.
He wants to quit p and lm pretty positive he will. It made a lot of issues between us and affected negatively my self esteem. But I think the root is somewhere else. And I don't like that over years I started to look at women and think, oh, he would like to fuck her. It's not jealousy. I don't see them really as thread to me. He can control himself. It's the focus that bothers me. And I understood that porn made the focus on novelty in women stronger.
I've got a friend in highschool. She once saw on one day three boys with baseball cups with spider on it. What a coincidence! And than for weeks we both noticed a lot of cups with spiders and it was difficult to not focus on unconsciously searching for the cups. It bothered me eventually and it took some time not to do it. It's the same. I don't like that now I search for his type. Cause I see them as that baseball cups, as objects.
And now I got some self worth problems after pregnancy and it started to bother me. That focus. That focus prevents him from concentrating on important things. And I'm not sure, I think most men have it. I can find other men attractive and I've had even two crushes during relationship but I don't focus on looking for them. And still, theoretically I won't be bother if we landed in threesome with a woman or a guy, which would be just interesting to experience. Of course now it's practically not possible as children go first and our priority is to have stable family and not traumatized kids. But it isn't something that would make me or him feel jealous. I find sex with love is the best but if once in few years is sex for novelty is not bad, especially that he was more experienced than me. But it's not something I crave, if you know what I mean.
Is it norm to have this focus? Is it from his addiction? How can I get rid of this?
I am somewhat demaged from his p, cause it was active concurrent to me and did it every day or almost every day. But never really felt it to real women. They never stole him. I was always better and it was always obvious. But when I feel difficult emotions I can't find source of it until problem is gone or on the way to disappear. I was so overwhelmed by my emotions as he decided to quit. I knew it bothered me but not how much. And I felt so sickend as I felt I'm giving up my body for us giving birth and he was m. Although he always was there when I asked him to help. And as long as I felt I'm pretty, the real women didn't bother me and now they bother me. I don't know if it's cause of him or because my appearance suffered from pregnancy. I now bought one part suit cause I can't stand bikini. I look at women with envy.
I just wanted to share my thoughts and trying to figure out my feelings and what is right and wrong and where are the sources of my feelings.
I'm really proud of my husband because he is really committed and doing good and I know it's not easy for him and not for me