Restarting, resetting and benefits???

ok all I've had the issue of daily porn use for years now which has gotten so bad it has affected the last couple of new relationships I have been in. I did post a couple of threads last year but I gradually let myself go after a while.

It was my New Years resolution to cut it out but after 14 days or so that resolution went out the window. Guess my ongoing depression took over again. But I'm now back on day 4 and have no feeling to watch porn unless I really let my mind think about it, and to be honest I feel ok but I do feel flat a lot of the time this again could be down to not taking medication every day and my mental state.

So on Friday night I went out with friends for a meal and ended up back at my place with one of them. One thing led to another and we ended up,in my bed. Yes we were both drunk as well which didn't help and she is currently going through a divorce. During the corse of events I couldn't bring myself to perform the act, now I'm guessing again this could be down to porn addiction or it could be down to my mind having suffered with anxiety n depression on n off for a while.

My question is what benefits have people had when it comes to abstaining from porn and the usual scenarios that arise when viewing it?

I guess it's right what I was once told, "you can't really love someone until you love yourself". I've often thought this to be true after replapsing so many times and hating myself for it.

 

Well one week in day 7 is nearly officially over and havent watched a single video all week.
Woke up the last two mornings with ... well you can all imagine. Not sure if that is an effect of not watching any films this week. Wonder if this will be one of the more permanent long term benefits.
The hardest part is yet to come... THE WEEKEND. Last weekend I was either hungover or busy so I guess the solution is to stay as mentally busy on other things as possible. Here's hoping

 

The weekend is nearly over here I am laying in bed and have successfully completed day 10. No pmo for 10 days never thought I'd say I havnt watched porn for 10 whole days.
With not working weekends I've got to say I kept myself busy all day Saturday from the time I got out of bed until the time I got home from the pub at 1am. This was done by cleaning house, been out the house, cooking and then going to the pub at 8.30pm.
Sunday however has been a different story. I've been lounging around most of the day, not really bothered with doing anything and so the urge to watch p has crept back in but I've resisted. Guess it's true what they say about idle hands.
Luckily I have plenty of things to be doing at home to keep occupied but can I resist every weekend? That is the question. Hopefully next Sunday (day 17) I'll still be able to say no pm or o here's hoping.

 

Day 11
Over and complete. One big difference today is I've been a totally moody and miserable a**e today don't know if this is down to me or a side effect of of been 11 days in. Also noticed that the morning wood experienced has stopped the last 2 days and everything down there just feels a million times smaller and none existent.

I have started to take some natural vitamins called 5 HTP which are supposed to improve sleep and reduce anxiety I wonder if these have had some effect but I've only had them for 2 days or it could be that work today was a pain in the backside and I know there will be more hassle to come tomorrow.

Question to anyone reading or interested in responding.
Have you or do you take any dietary supplements and have they helped in your progress? I was reading about "horny goat weed" which is supposed to increase sexual appetite (yes this is a supplement pill google it lol)

 

Day 12 nearly over kept myself out at work until 915pm some very strong urges that lasted about 30 mins but managed to resist. These were the strongest urges I had to m/o tonight

 

Day 13 unlucky for some and nearly unlucky for me. The urge tonight has been crazy all I've wanted to do the last hour or so is grip it n rip it.
Still early days I'm guessing but is it normal to feel like the little fella is shrinking into oblivion??
The morning wood reappeared this morning which gives me a glimmer of hope I can't healthy after some 18 years of effectively been an addict

 

Day 14 done
It really does help been out of the house all day and all night. The more active I can be and busy mentally and physically the better. Although when I have come home and into bed the urge to m has gotten really strong. It's been in the back of my mind all day.

For me the first 7 days were easy considering how addicted I think I am to pmo but the last 3 have been the hardest. Guess it's only going to get harder

 

Day 15 done
Well it's 2.04 am and I've just got home after been out since 9am. Work social time with family then to the pub for a couple of beers.

One thing has lead to another with a friend of mine again tonight and we have ended up back at my place. Needless to say I was quite surprised how my body reacted as when we were getting into things the old chap decided to spring into life and it felt like days of old while making out with someone. I wouldn't say it was a full blown Stand to attention job but this might have been because of restricted jeans or most likely because my mind is holding me back at the moment. But I was extremely surprised to see any action from down there after such a small amount of time.

I can not help but feel like something is holding me back at the moment and I'm not sure if it's me and my mental state, knowing she is going through a lot in her home life or if because I'm only 15 days in.
I know she wants more but deep down I think at this point it time it would be wrong of me to take things further, and knowing that it just makes me feel more anxious deep down.

I'm supposed to be out with her and friends tomorrow but in all honesty I feel like pulling out of the whole night.

Part of me thinks to shut down and turn off from things for a while or just say what the hell and let myself go not use my brain too much. Then another part thinks because of the way my body reacted tonight that maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

All said and done I don't think I can love someone else until I love myself....