Reprogramming My Brain. From Boy to Manhood

I stopped masturbating and watching porn on the 8th may 2015. Yes, I marked it on my calendar. I am a religious person so, I'm doing this to not only get over the addiction but have a stronger faith. Before I stopped, I used to cum 4 times in a row. I have been masturbating for about 7 years now. And one day I decided to suddenly just stop. And the results showed immediately. The first few days was so hard I couldn't even study. I remember having wet dreams twice in that week. I guess it must be due to the overpoduction of sperm for all these years which suddenly stopped. But I felt really glad, made me feel more confident and happy with the way my body was reacting in a natural way. It was hard not to touch, especially when I woke up with my wet undies. But now it has been, my 3rd week. And honestly, the results are amazing. I feel my dick ha store girth now. Before this, it felt very weak and soft when not erect, but now it's like an iron rod. I cant stop marvelling how mY body is responding to all the increased testosterone. My balls got bigger and firmer too. The right testicle was really small compared to left one, but now it's almost the same in size. Not only taht. My facial hair got more thicker and masculine. And my skin really started to glow. When I look in the mirror, I feel like a man. Not a boy with a dick, but a man. My only worry is, I can't stop thinking about sex. Everyday I seem to get an erection for the slightest things, even in class.. But all in all, I have this newfound silent confidence. Because I feel more powerful that I am able to control my thoughts.. And let my body decide for me. The next time I cum, it is inside a girl. So. God help me.

 

This is day 22. I can't stop staring at my dick in the mirror. I do it for hours!!! I guess after all these years, I'm finally starting to appreciate the way it looks instead of just fapping away. I cut my Internet access from my phone and laptop because I ended up googling for racy pictures about a week back and stayed there for 5 min. Damn. My brain is so addicted. I need to tell my brain what to do and not vice versa. So yeah. That's the reason I felt I don't need Internet. I also unfollowed everyone and everything on Facebook except my mom, dad and sis. So that i won't get hooked to fb to scroll drown the news feed for hours. I admit. Life feels so empty and boring suddenly. For 7 years all I had in my brain to amuse me was naked pics, fb, binge watching TV and orgasms.. I'm naturally a very horny person. I need to stop staring at myself naked in the mirror.. My hand just keeps going down there even when I'm not horny!! It's wasting so much of my time!! Luckily I'm strong enough to not stroke it. But 0n a serious note. I never really appreciated my body in front of the mirror before. Now I feel more thankful to God for a prefect body and I really want to spend time building it. For my own confidence. Now that I see things clearly, it's so clear!!!!! It's so clear! Taht my life needs more LIFE. I'm getting close to God. I call him father alot to replace my earthly dad that when I never was close to. And the more I pray, the more I'm seeing my life purpose as a human being. I thank God because he is showing me how to be more disciplined and focused. Because I know I'm put here for a purpose and I need to be ready to do it. In fact I thank God for leading me here. It's nice to have support from other guys trying to make a change in their life too. All in all I think quitting PMO Is the first step to transit from a boy to a man. I'll see you guys soon. All the best! And don't give up!!

 

Day 23:
I was in a middle of a wet dream. And it wasn't with anyone. It was just me stroking away while looking at the mirror. And when I reached to the point of climax I suddenly realised that I was not suppose to orgasm. So in my dream I stopped stroking just when I was about to cum. I HAVE SO MUCH SELF CONTROL, I was able to stop even in my dreams.. I felt really proud. Of course I woke up after that because I felt like my bladder was full and uncomfortable. Probably because I withheld all the release. Lol,. And when I woke up, I had a real hard on. I was really tempted to go on but I told myself if I can be strong then, I can be strong now. So, I sat down on my bed, and removed all my clothes and did what someone here on NoFap said to do when you have a raging boner. Which was to meditate. I sat on the bed with my legs folded and calmed myself down. I prayed to the Father and told him thank you for my body and the masculinity you gave me. It may sound crazy but only through meditation can the mind and body unite. So, when I had that boner and all the sexual energy pented up I didn't want to ignore it and Continue being horny for the rest of the day. I closed my eyes and took slow deep breaths and kept saying thank you for my masculinity. Thank you for the way my penis looks, I'm happy and content with every part of my body. Father, I am aware my sexuality is a gift from you and therefore I honor it and as your son I shall respect my body more and use it as vessel to do your will. And as I kept saying that I channeled all the pumping energy form my man parts to all parts of my body and owning the moment and my body. And with that I felt my penis slowly relax and my chest and arms get more broad and stiff. This would explain the new masculine walk everyone has been commenting to me about for the past week..!!! Hahaha... In other words, I trained my mind to control my dick and my body and not the otherwise, like how most guys do. That's the reason why we end up stroking everytime we see a naked pic and get a boner. Bexause, our dick wants the pleasure, and so we succumb to what it says. That's why we have people calling some guys who think with their dicks as dick heads. I think it's about time we stop being dick heads. The world needs more honorable men with self respect. It's easy to be a dick head that whistles to every girl walking down the street or takes advantage of them in public spaces. A walking robot with insane levels of testosterone and just a dick can do that. It takes real courage and balls to break that lifestyle and become a man. Everyone can become a better man. But from what i observe not everyone has the willpower and discipline to do so. So my hope is that anyone reading this who are in the same journey as me to stop PMO. To take time to meditate on ur masculinity. Just like how the body needs training time in the gym, our soul needs the masculine reaffirmation and connection with God. Being a man is not a one day event. It's a silent transition form boyhood to manhood and needs daily action. Dont be discouraged of u don't 'feel' anything on the first try. Just like lifting weights, gradually increase Ur time and intensity of focus during those silent minutes with urself. To be man we need to start feeling and acting like one. This trick helps. I'm trying to make it a habit every morning and night before i go to bed. I mix prayer in there, becauee it gives my meditation more purpose. That's all I have to say. Thanks for reading. I'm writing this after meditating and I feel so calm and confident. Gonna go shower and study now. Take care gentlemen.. See you soon.

 

I went for 30 days.. I relapsed.. Or my god. I feel so useless. So disappointed with myself.. But all I can think about is this.. I agree that PMO is about moving forward and not just cutting the act.. How do I move forward? I'm trying meditation.. And I can see slight differences. But the conclusion is I am mentally very weak.. Not only in this case. I go about my life caring about what people think of me and how I'm not good enough for any friednship or anyone or any goals.. I have really low self esteem.. It changed for a while... Those 30 days I felt really confident.. Oh god... My life is so messed up. I'm trying to change it.. I guess I'm not praying g enough. But I need to quit this habit... It sucks that every time I get back to my room all I can think about is sex stuff. And my phone addiction.. I want to sit and study.. And to think about how to improve myself.. Guess im just a negative person. I've been that way for a long time... I need to substitute masturbation with something new.. Because this Was all my body ever knew.. And I have no time for a new gym routine.. My finals is In 60days..Jesus help me

 

Guyys!! after 130 days..of no pmo. i relapsed!! i missed class today because of that... why does a small stimulus just cause the entire thing to crash!! i cant believe im back at day 1. i feel that evertything i worked so hard for is gone.so shameful. i feel really sick !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!