(REPOST) Everything is a relapse to me now... please help

his linked was to my previous post: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/does-this-count-as-relapse.357123/#post-3745102
I think lists down all the things i still continuing looking:

• Boob and ass (not nudity)
• bikini (bra and thong)
• in real life and on screen (not nudity)

even though it not nudity in real life or on screen, considered p-sub and relapse. So, i have to literally avoiding looking at women on the street, even though i can't resist my own nature... I feel like insanity right now... So, i already been relapsed looking to all these p-sub? guess what my point of fucking doing nofap until now... I only want to cut off PMO addiction, i'm no goddamn monk... even a monk might actually think i'm crazy like how come i get triggered to such things. I'm on the edge of giving up on nofap, cause i seriously had enough, i feel suicidal... i do not know what to do.

 

It's just that sometimes i considered something that not relapse but other would seem it as relapsed. Example like purposely looking for girl in bikini, twerking videos etc... just to get a good boner feeling once in a while never lead me to actual porn at all.
it just that i have done nofap for so long, plus without girlfriend is just killing me... The urge is crazy, but it never occurred me to PMO, instead i crave real sex more often, thanks to nofap.

 

Yes, thanks for those great suggestion, however it's impossible to not look at women parts... Sometime it acted like an instinct wanted to see those A** and B**B, then i just look away anyways. It's not like i'm doing a monk mode... I just want to get rid PMO addiction, i need real intimacy and sex, that's all... Even though if i look women on the street or social media, it never occurred me to PMO at all. those bikini stuffs same effect, it never lead me to pmo... If I can't looking at women on the street and not even on screen, what the fuck am i supposed to do now? Look at men? I'm not a monk technically, i used to be crazy addicted but now I'm not anymore, i just have these crazy anxiety and doubts... If looking at women and bikini considered relapse... Guess my life is just stupid... I'm mental exhaustion from daily triggered, by just looking at women considered relapse, I'm on the verge of giving up everything

 

How am i calm down, when everything is a relapse... i can't even look at women anymore, isn't that crazy?

 

What you mean it, you don't know how that possible? Just because it's impossible to you, doesn't mean other do the same... If you done nofap long enough, you can have yourself under control and you should know that. Whatever you described can't look at women and bikini without dopamine released, that's basically a monk mode... And to me it's impossible to not get dopamine released your whole life... how are you going to look at your wife, girlfriend???? This is too much.

well guess it's time for me to stop doing nofap... All those years i have been still checking women out and looking at bikini. I'm glad I'm no longer let porn control my life but.. sometimes i think nofap being too much... Idk what would happen if i give up nofap now, since my life was almost ruined by pmo... But what changed? All the normalize things and everything now become a relapse... I'm mentally fatigue because of it, couldn't go to work and concentrate on work, been not feeling myself for half month now since the doubt... Whatever I'm just tired.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and support, this community have always been a life changing to me, guess i depends to much on it, now it once used to be biggest supporter now it become my biggest enemy.