Just feeling very down and alone lately, and I thought this might be a good place to unload my thoughts - if anyone has any response, I'd be happy to hear it. So I'm a woman in my late twenties, and I've always been shy, but when I was 23, I started a relationship with a guy while studying abroad - he was the first guy I ever kissed - we were together on and off for the next five and a half years or so. I loved him very much, and I believe he really did love me too. Several months ago though, he made it clear to me he was never going to be able to manage a permanent, stable, relationship, let alone one where we could get married and have a family, which is the only outcome I'd really accept for a permanent relationship, so we had to separate, this time for good. So that's been really hard. I currently live with my parents while I'm in grad school, and they love me and want the best for me, but I'm an emotional wreck because of everything - depressed, anxious, self-esteem shattered, distractable, and they are finding living with me to be pretty tedious most of the time. So my family, the only people that I can know for sure care about me, find me to be a huge burden most of the time, so that doesn't exactly reassure me. Now one good thing I do have going for me is that there's a guy I'm in touch with - funny, smart, well-adjusted, caring - really nice guy, and he seems to like me in particular. I don't know for sure how he feels, since we haven't actually both lived in the same country for quite awhile, and he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. Nonetheless I really like keeping up with him, he's funny and interesting, and a positive influence. The catch though, is that my mom FREAKING LOVES HIM - I mean, ABSOLUTELY ADORES him. To her, he's the personification of everything I've always deserved in a partner, and she has every faith it'll lead to a relationship under the right geographic circumstances. Which, you know, great - I'd rather my mom did like a guy I was interested in - I don't want the stress of the reverse - I'm close to my mom and I value her opinion highly. But the overwhelming tidal wave of approval about this guy, especially when I'm still in grief about my ex, when I really should have gotten over it by now, it just makes me feel emotionally numb. Which to be honest, kind of sucks, because this new guy is a quality guy, and I really do value having him around on my own! Anyway, thank you NoFap for giving me a venue to rant haha - I don't know if this directly relates to my MO habit I'm trying to break, but it's all kind of part of the emotional topography...
Firstly, I'd like to say that I'm very sorry to hear that your relationship did not go in the direction that you had wished. I know how much that can hurt. Months really isn't that long to give yourself to get over a relationship, even if it technically wasn't "official" according to the other person. In the past, I have mended romantic wounds for years. Only you know how long you need. Don't let yourself be rushed into anything by anyone. You deserve the best. Let yourself believe that. Let it really sink in. I am also well acquainted with living with a parent in adulthood. I am currently living with my mother. Remember that in other cultures, it is not just normal for adults to live with their parents and other family members... it is celebrated. Family is important and I believe American society has forgotten this by claiming that we must sever ties and become "independent". Sure, indepdendence is important as well and there is beauty in forming one's own family. However, the shame that society gleefully deals out to the masses of us that are single and living with our parents is bullshit. Anyway, you know your own heart and where you are in life. For now, really be passionate about graduate school and enjoy the love from your family. You are a young woman and I'm sure that someone will see how lovely you are inside and out soon enough.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply - I'm sorry it took me awhile to get on here and say that, but I just wanted to let you know I really appreciated what you said. Especially the part about living with your parents - that really went a long way towards healing the judgment some of my friends have given at times - it really helps to be understood. Anyway, best of luck to you... you seem like a lovely intelligent person!
You're welcome, I read your post and could relate. It's easy to compare ourselves to people around us, on Facebook particularly. I actually ended up deleting my Facebook and I can't stress enough how much better I feel about life. Your friends probably mean well. If I was your friend irl, I would never shame you for living with your parents or not having a SO. I think sometimes other people are so proud that they have met society's standards that they feel everyone that hasn't "lived up" to these standards, need to "grow up". My brother once shamed me for moving back in with my mom and I told him, "I love you, man... but go fuck yourself." I definitely understand. I wish you the best as well. Aw, I appreciate the compliment! You seem very kind and intelligent yourself.
