Relapsed

This is not my first long streak at all I've done many of them, I lasted 60 days on this streak and as title says I relapsed.

Main reason I think is triggers, I already mentioned months ago that videos and pictures are what usually make me relapse and it was now it too.

I also mentioned that roleplays have been a current problem.

So when it comes to pictures I managed to avoid them for 60 whole days, but roleplays kept coming back. First I was 15 days without ERP, then 2 days, then 16 days, then 2 days, then 5 days (I might have forgotten some but it was mainly that).

Often the reason is the urge to watch pictures that makes me go to roleplays, cause my mind tricks me into allowing them since "They are not visual", in some regards I would say that they are even worse than pictures cause every time I do roleplay I get turned on, get very lazy, forget to do what I actually wanted to do, stay up late and often from doing ERP whole day I get blue balls effect.

What does make it even harder is that the environment effects my abstaining. Two times when I went to my student apartment I got tricked into roleplaying from the feeling of being free to do what I want when I want.

At home I got tricked into roleplaying for same reason, the excitement of having whole day for myself.

But then I got tricked into roleplaying for being bored at home, which I believe would not have happened if I would have went to apartment.

So both feeling really bored and feeling overly excited are something to watch out.

Then eventually now got me to watch pictures and well masturbate.

I know keeping busy has sometimes helped but that does not always work, since it is often really tempting to just basically do nothing.


On positive note I think that I have got rid of masturbation in itself as an addiction, when I do masturbate it is always cause I saw something really provoking, not masturbation itself which feels as an act rather boring tbh.



When I did nut today it hurt, probably cause ERPs stimulated me everytime which means that while I managed to be without visual stimuli for 60 days I was basically edging without realizing since well I never touch my thing when roleplaying.

Part of the hurt was I think cause of old sperm which body is meant to get rid off by itself.


So, did being stimulated from ERPs confuse my body to not give me wet dreams when I should have gotten them?

And how long do I have to be without anything sexually stimulating to get wet dream? As I think (I might be wrong) that the reason I have not gotten wet dreams is mainly down to being stimulated when I am awake.

Any tips on having easier time ignoring urges?

Also really want to get resensitized.

Which well partly I am as I did notice recently that I started to get spontanious erections even though they were only partial erections. I did also get more erotic dreams than in ANY previous streak but most of the dreams were purely visual with no arousal of any sorts excluding one where I got pre cum leakage and one where I did straight up feel erect.

One thing I did notice that when I did expose myself to pics and vids today, I did get like a strong neurotic reaction with excitement, heart rate going fast but I only got partial erection and no proper arousal like I would have when I was first exposed to those things.