Last night I ended up almost relapsing when I started browsing a news site and every third article was about some scantily clad celebrity, complete with pictures. I didnt relapse then but the urges carried over to this morning and I masturbated (without the images in front of me though) and my reaction to doing so was very different from usual. Normally after a relapse I go through a period of rationalising my actions, sometimes even going as far as to swear I dont even need NoFap. This time that didnt happen, I immedietely realised my mistake and stopped afterwards. Most crucially though, the relapse didnt feel good. Usually masturbating after even a few days of not feels amazing enough to rationalise (theres that word again) continuing, but this time I just felt sweaty and gross, not necessarily ashamed, but I sure didnt feel like what I did was right. That particular streak was cut short by a bad situation I didnt have the willpower to avoid, but overall I think my brain must be learning from this, it seems every time I relapse I make progress regardless, previously I used to basically go back to square one but now I dont. Perhaps it may be a good idea to stop counting the days all together and instead focus taking each day as it comes?
Hi, I've been there too. Not feeling as much pleasure from relapsing, and deducing that it was a sign that my brain was learning. What I realized after relapsing a million more times was that my brain wasn't learning anything AT ALL. It was just another clever trick that my mind was playing on me. All the time I was only numbing the guilt by saying, "Well, at least I learned something, right?", and pretending to move on. And I think you need to consider if this is what's happening to you right now. People say that you progress every time you relapse, that it's OK as long as you learn from your mistakes(relapses). These words may seem comforting, but in truth they only weaken us fapstronauts. Most of us will unconsciously misinterpret these words and think that "to learn we need to relapse". It sounds crazy but that's an addict's logic for you. So, whether you take down your counter or not, I think what you should do is truly vow to yourself (and to the community) that your next "streak" will last forever. And understand that by relapsing you break the biggest promise you've ever made to yourself. You already have the wisdom to accomplish this goal. The feeling that you haven't failed or learned enough is an illusion. And now that I've written this, I've made it even harder for myself to be hypocritical (which was part of my aim). I hope I didn't sound too condescending. Good luck! We'll make it through together.
You know what? You're completely right, for too long I've been relapsing between the second and fourth weeks and trying to justify it in whatever way I can, instead of accepting my mistake and genuinely swearing to do better. I think you might have inadvertently figured out why I got to day 75 on my first ever streak and was never able to get to even half that in all future attempts; on some level I became addicted to the cycle, passing it off as "learning" every time I fucked up.
I feel you. I've only been able to go for 30 days at longest, and other times it felt hard to even reach half that length. But everything pales besides the vow of eternity. Hell even I don't know what kind of a heavy promise I've made to myself, but I assure you it will be the last one I'll ever make here. By the way I keep a daily journal here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/done-with-pmo-forever.116656/#post-970116 Sometimes I just post a few words and log off, but feel free to check it out from time to time, just to see if I'm still keeping my words
