Relapsed after 12 days because of edging =(! New start!!!

hey guys,

i'm 25 years old and living in Vienna, studying psychology. I joined the community to get motivational help, because i just relapsed one hour ago -.-. I started NoFap several times, my longest clean phase was about 16 days I think, but this time i wanted to achieve 35 days in a row.

The reason I started the first time, was my now ex-gf (third one, taken all together). We had a long distance relationship from December 2014 till this July. I knew here for 3 years by then. I loved her with all my heart, but she had problems with emotional bonds. She pushed me away and was cold as ice, because the intimacy scared her and she panicked. I tried to understand her and wanted to comfort her, but she always gave me the feeling, that i have no place in her life. Her smartphone was always more interesting than me, her friends always top-priority. She said she didn't want to hurt me. So I gave her the opportunity to have some emotional distance, didn't contact her for a while, told her before if she needs me, I'm there, she only has to ask. But she didn't. After a month I confronted her and wanted a statement for or against our "relationship". But she was pissed instead, that I "ignored" her. She also said she couldn't work on her bonding issues, while she is in a relationship. I had enough of this emotional craving for her. So we ended it. Via text! Because she didn't want to meet me (i asked for a personal talk). The last months have been f***ing rough for me, I still miss her. I still feel sexualy attracted to her -.-. But sex has been also a problem in this relationship.

I wasn't able to get an erection with her, because I suffer from porn induced ED (but didn't know that was the reason). I also suffered from anxiety, because she was older (30) and had a lot more sexual experience. Nevertheless I have this performance anxiety since i can think of. Some reason may also have been my first Gf, i had with 19y. She suffered from Borderline and was emotional abusive, she also cheated on me. That had a major impact on my self-confidence with women. Second GF wasn't better, lied to me about her age (told me 18, was actually 14 , so i immediately ended this relationship when i found out. In my defense, her body told me to trust her xD).

So I am trying now to break this f***ing cycle and to stop fapping completely. I have been fapping since I was like 11 or 12 years old. And as most of you can possibly refer I needed more and more crazy stuff with the passing years. I hope I will achieve this with your support! Because I need support and have no one to talk about this. Feels good to be here. Let's help each other on this journey!

Kind regards,
Arkarion

PS: no native speaker here, hope you guys understand me. My grammar might be highly influenced by German