Relapse, ambulance, police, deterrent

It may be incredible what i write but I just say the truth. I had 245 or 254 streak hard mode, don't know the exact number. Meanwhile, I got in love with a girl unfortunately it was one-sided. I couldn't sleep properly for weeks. I tried to release my tension by training myself. I was totally exhausted by the end. I was completely desperate. So on one day I decided I did'nt give a fuck I watch porn. Maybe you can not believe but I lost control. I didn't sleep for days. I was edging for hours every day. I started hallucinate. One day I wanted to break the door of my neighbour. I got a $200 penalty. Still couldn't sleep. I broke out of myself and broke objects at home. My mom called police or ambulance I don't know but they were here both. I got into psychiatry for 3 weeks. I never thought that porn is so dangerous. It happend maybe not only because porn but I'm sure it plays a big part. I'm currently taking antidepressants. Feel like shit. I have flatline and nausea often. I don't know that I'm able to heal myself from this totally. I have a 12 day streak at the moment. I'm totally exhausted and nause really bad and social anxiety.