Reflections on Cold Approach and Personal Growth - My Journey

Ok, I think it's time to take stock of all these years working on myself, approaching women, and evolving as a man. The first thing that comes to mind is that this process has been a source of both suffering and fulfillment for me. Approaching women in your life is super cool, except when you have so many insecurities that what was supposed to make you freer and happier becomes a source of frustration for you. That's what happened to me. I had to fight against my deepest insecurities and fears. Fear of rejection, abandonment, fear of the gaze of others. Things that had been buried since my childhood and that I had repressed until the moment I said to myself: enough.

Why was this process a source of suffering? Because personal development promotes the idea that you can find answers in abstract things. You start to believe things that never even crossed your mind before when you weren't approaching women. Like, was I too needy, too energetic, not calm enough, too nice, did I have too much ego? In other words, you become a machine seeking perfection. All of this to fill the real problem, which is that you don't accept yourself as you are. Cold approach is a great way to meet women. But the real problem is the belief that there are answers to be found and that you can progress on the path to becoming better with women. It sounds good. We like the idea of a guy starting from scratch and fighting to achieve his goals. It's like in the movies, and we want to maintain that vision. But the truth is quite different. Cold approach is just a means to meet women.

And it shouldn't go beyond that vision. I approach women just to meet women and share what I have to offer. That's it. In itself, it's about having a healthy vision and cultivating beautiful relationships. But cold approach is filled with lost guys who approach women in masses, who have no friends and become copies of other coaches because they are lost. Cold approach made them believe that there was a science and that they understood things that other guys did not. This creates an even greater gap and makes it even more difficult for them to connect with others because they are narcissistic and have an oversized ego. Cold approach promotes the idea that you can take control of your life if you overcome your fears and that you will change. But the reality is quite different. It distances you from others. In 5 years of practice, I have known dozens of guys with whom I approached women. And for 3 and a half years, I only knew these guys and had no other friends who didn't approach women. Because I bet everything on this process, believing that there were answers. Plus, I belonged to a community for the first time in my life. An unknown community because few guys know how to approach a woman on the street. Sounds good, doesn't it?

I will not dwell on this subject and continue by talking about coaches and all the "game" content that can be found on YouTube. All these guys who make meeting women a science and believe that there are answers and that there are other men who are superior to others with women. Yes, there are men who will have more relationships than other men. That's life. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Maybe it just doesn't work because you believe you're missing answers. Unlike another guy who doesn't think about all this and will be himself and happy with the women he meets.

I'm not going to question 5 years of practice. I'm proud of my journey and if I did it, it was because I had to go through it. But I also regret how much I used to stress about it compared to now when I approach a woman without all these questions in my head. I am as much myself with my family and friends as I am with the women I meet. I am aware that I cannot please everyone and that I will not change who I am or adopt techniques to please a woman. I no longer feel the need to watch pickup content because it no longer interests me and because I no longer feel the need for it. For the past year and a half, I have built real strong and solid friendships. I cut off all contact with this "gamers" community. And strangely enough, I have never been more fulfilled.

Cold approach is something amazing. But only if you see it from a healthy perspective. That is, you have a job, a passion, friends, social networks to keep in touch and create connections with your friends. And beside that, when you come across a woman you like on the street or elsewhere, you approach her without asking yourself 3000 questions, without having all this theory in your head because you are already happy on your own. You don't need to sleep with 100 women to feel good about yourself. I have about twenty female friends in my city whom I see regularly, and they all know that I can approach women on the street. They find it admirable and courageous. Some of them would even like a cool guy with values to approach them respectfully. But on the other hand, they know an old friend of mine who approaches women in masses with techniques, sleeps with them, and moves on to the next without consideration for them. They find it disgusting and repulsive. This guy is doing the same thing as me, he's approaching women. But we have two different visions. He's lost, and I'm happy.

To sum up, cold approach is amazing. But it depends on how you see it. No, if you get rejected, it's not your fault, no, you can't progress. Progress is abstract, and a woman won't sleep with you because you've become better and more charismatic. No, if you succeed, it's not because you're better than others. There are your fears that can prevent you from going further with this girl, but there are also her fears. Over time you will gain empathy - the ability to understand the other person in order to act in a way that moves the relationship in the right direction. However, that comes with experience and growing in maturity. And if it doesn't go any further, it's just that it wasn't meant to be. You remain yourself, and if you don't feel capable of being yourself, expressing yourself with her, and sharing things, why try to sleep with her?

Cold approach is an incredible way to meet women and make friends. You step out of your comfort zone, so stepping out of your comfort zone becomes less difficult over time. This actually creates a very pleasant feeling of freedom and allows you to communicate more easily with others. But there are no other answers to find. One behavior is not better than another. If you want advice that works: exercise, take care of your haircut and appearance. Dress properly, make friends, cultivate honest and sincere relationships, be empathetic before judging someone. Essentially, rediscover that human side you lost because you approached thousands of women and got lost in this thing.
I continue to approach women when I want to have relationships because I'm aware that waiting has never really worked for me. And I have to make things happen if I want relationships. But that's where it ends. I give just as much importance to myself, my friends, and my family. I approach a woman only when I feel like it, and I don't stress about it. I think that's what it means to feel good about oneself.

 

Because many guys approach women believing that they can find answers to their own personal issues and relationship problems through this thing. it often comes across as creepy for women, making it difficult for these guys to form relationships. Personal development is not a substitute for seeking professional help from a psychologist or healthcare provider. This is where the problem lies. If it doesn't work for some guys, it's usually because they have underlying personal issues that they need to address. Unfortunately, this "community" of guys who approach women is full of such guys. Some may find success, but they are often just as unhappy. There is no guide for approaching a woman on the street. You do it because you want to meet her and hope to create something with her, or at least go as far as possible, hoping that she'll do the same, but you can never know!