Redirecting my paths.

Well, recently i am on day 53 but i am totally different from day 1 , at day 1 i was more motivated and i felt so bad about my addiction and how sore it was because i was feeling how relapsing really felt so bad and how miserable was my life on porn , but today i feel like i am no more remember the bad feelings so i am not acting against porn again and i am not determined to stick into my plans again , that's why i am telling myself that i am "emotionally relapsed " as i am no more caring for myself and no more using attacking techniques , i just feel relaxed and left all my weapons beside me .

That's why i feel that any weak attack from the enemy will beat me up and make me back again to where i started so i am trying to redirect my path again and remind myself how bad was the consequences of porn addiction and how bad i was trapped .

As for refreshment : I don't want to back again to 'porn' because :
1-I feel ashamed of doing such filthy activities .
2-I don't respect myself and feel so trashy guy so i lose self-esteem.
3-I lose my confidence as result of that .
4-I feel not motivated to do anything healthy because of brain unbalanced chemicals.
5-I feel afraid of future because i can't plan for it so i am just waiting the problems to happen with chained and paralyzed hands.
6-As result of fear i feel always worry about my future .
7-I feel not able to have a wife that i can respect , love , and care without cheating.
8-I lose my sense of humor that i am known with and become dull.
9-I don't even feel secure for my future daughters because sometimes i feel like i am going to fantasize about them.
10-I am no more one person , and being two in one is really torturing feelings.

Omg i didn't plan to mention 10 points i thought it would be just 2 or 3 but as i am keep typing my feelings throw new points that i didn't remember before.

This is really just refreshment that i liked to do for myself maybe i redirect myself again , i hope it helps you also guys.

Keep me in your prayers please .