Recently married; Fighting every day

It is completely normal for your frequency to drop off (or maybe hers), after you move in (or were married). It's kind of the mind trying to establish new equilibrium for the personal space you lost, and the constant connection you now share. Almost everyone I've ever known went though this.

It is important to keep honestly communicating with your partner (even your fears), and to stay strong on NoFap. Many of us (me included) didn't do that. We turned (or kept) doing PMO instead of facing our difficulties. This turns into a habit of hiding, guilt, and withdraw. I'm guilty of never having actually learning to be fully present in the bedroom with her, and constantly worried about trying to do for her, or withdrawing into fantasy to be able to reach my goal. If there is one piece of advice it hurts to share, is don't give into that, face your issues, and try (because it only get harder the longer it goes).

(This next bit isn't necessarily about sex, but since PMO issues often start as an attack on communication, I feel it's important to share) I studied what couples counselors try to do in a relationship, and one of those things is they try to strengthen communication. Communication is essential to us connecting, and opening ourselves. I learned that I wasn't effectively expressing my needs (all needs, not just sexual), and not seeking to learn what hers was. When needs go unmet, we tend to carry that into the next argument, and the next, until we give up. It also blocks us from what she is saying she needs, or by making wrong assumptions about our partner, that we never tested by asking, but accepting as fact. But often this is as simple we had needs that we didn't give voice to, and somehow expected them to just happen. We can't always expect our needs to be met, but when we don't communicate, they will never be met. You may want to take a look at this. I had a problem with the use of 'you' in arguments. I had to learn, I had no right to make requests of my needs by projecting it as an attack by using statements like 'you'. You can only talk about what 'I' need. Sex issues or not, this seems fundamental, and I so wish I had learned it 17 years ago) (here is a place to start, but a class might also be better) http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/communicate-better/
(I put all of this in because, you said you weren't satisfying your wife. There is a chance she is happy, and while things could be better, she isn't suffering, but you feel less for it because you think she is. So communicate.)

On the more practical side to sex.... mismatched libido's are a very normal (probable most common) marital problem. One thing I've learned (after my marriage was over), was not to treat sex as a race to the finish line, and don't judge myself by how good/bad I was with her, and how long it took me to get there. The idea is to leave all that behind, and enjoy the time you get together, don't worry about how it ends. The thing is when we worry about 'being a good/amazing lover', or 'will I be able to finish this time', we are creating stress, which is blocking our pleasure. The idea here is that to address mismatched libido's you can engage in 'maintenance sex'. Some find that term offensive. But there is some really important caveats to follow. It's the practice of being together, and connecting, even if you don't necessarily feel strong libido. (The important part here is 'connecting'.) It requires tenderness, and feeling emotionally engaged, and not just being used for sex. (Women in religion were often told that should just 'give into the desires' of their husbands. And this is very wrong.) You should never engage in sex if you don't want to. But the idea of maintenance sex, is that if you want to feel closeness and connected with your partner, you can do so, and feel satisfied without making orgasm a goal. (There are two main practices I've heard of that allows you to practice this. One is Karezza and the other is 'tantric'. I've also recently heard of FANOS in another forum here (which isn't sexual, but is a daily pair-bonding experience.) The point of this, is there are intimacy practices which can keep your bond strong, or even grow it, providing needed satisfaction without relying on an 'explosive orgasm', and often when you take that off your plate as your definition of success, you will find that is even easier to achieve.

I don't know how far or bad your PIED might be, but if you are like me, it's possible that you're missing a very crucial sexual education. Sad to say at 43... but I never learned how to be entirely connected with my senses and what feels best when with a partner, or to be comfortable in communicate it. Pop culture would have you believe, and even in Porn, is that is as easy as Insert, Thrust, and repeat until desired goal achieve, but it isn't for a lot of us. I grew up with PMO, but because of that I've never been that comfortable 'voicing myself' or guiding my partner with my hands for my own pleasure, and I was denying myself the knowledge of what 'works'. To address this, I've turned to two things that seem to be helping. I read that most sex therapist will recommend 'sensate focus'. It's the idea of learning to explore your senses (without trying to orgasm), while building trust/relaxing, and learning to communicate with your partner while doing it. It also goes into another practice called 'being present in the moment'. It's a mental discipline where you consciously choose to remain in the moment, instead of withdrawing to fantasy as crutch to finish. Daily meditation can be simple and done in 10 minutes, and can strengthen your ability to 'stay in the moment' (I'm trying the free mediation on https://www.headspace.com) (Since adopting these two things, I've had one or two sexual encounters, and while it wasn't a 'switch', the experience was greatly different and enjoyable. I really have hope and faith that with as much difference I felt, time will soon bring me the results I want). Finally, the other advice I picked out out there (mostly for men with Delayed ejaculation, but probably relevant for PiED), seek your pleasure first, or seek your pleasure first (equally). It said that we often get wrapped up too much in being a 'good lover', and giving to our partner. (Perhaps because we carry guilt or worry about our abilities). The advice said the dynamics of the sexual session are better (for both of you) when you are prioritizing your pleasure. It doesn't mean be abusive, ignore, or give up on being gentle to your partner. It just means make yourself the priority (without guilt). Since this is what we do in PMO, and PMO works, it seems legit. (the first session I had like this was weird to me, I kept saying I can be better by seeking what feels better to me, while it didn't change the outcome drastically, I did feel a bit more confidence).

(Finally, my last bit of advice....) If you feel it's an issue, it is an issue. Address it now. Don't wait until it's an overwhelming issue. She is your best partner for getting through anything, but there is no shame in seeking outside help, even if you are 'only' concerned. Couples classes, counselors, therapists, sexual health experts, doctors, family, (if you are religious, the church). All of these are meant to help you, and strengthen you. Marriage is a challenge, but it's not one that you should try to take on in silence. Even though your bond is a private one, and you should respect your partner, there is no shame in reaching out, and talking openly with people that will keep your details private, and respect your sensitivity. Feeling broken, guilt, and the assumption that we are alone in our conditions are ways of feeling disconnected, confused, and lead to depression. As it turns out, your problems are ones that are common, and there are so many here, and around you that are in the same condition. So strengthen your connection to people, reach out, and you will also find your connection to your wife better.

 

Good comment, you stated some nice points

 

My story is spread across multiple forums here. I usually put a disclaimer in. What I offer in advice, doesn't come from success, but instead from a failure and having everything fall apart. I'm undergoing divorce, and sought many answers to grow, and to be a better boyfriend for my current or future GFs.

I feel like I've made positive changes, and from that I feel the need to share some of my experience. I've also gain so much in 'ah ha!' moments of revelations to studying sexuality, and couples behavior. Some answers seem so simple, were so well within my abilities to do, and solve so many problems, but they weren't instinctual (and if I can pass that on to even few people earlier in their lives, I feel I've done good in this world). (For that, I've been lurking the forums the past couple weeks.) I'm also 22 days into a reboot myself.

I have put in some of my story about divorce here:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...vorce-tips-and-suggestions.87480/#post-727383

But honestly, I've been spreading my ideas all around the different forums.