Rebooting whilst single vs in a relationship

I recently read a couple threads in the relationship section of the nofap forum. It was interesting and eye opening to see the effect of addiction and the implications in a relationship. As a single guy, after reading several threads, I think that rebooting while single is way more easier than while in a relationship for several reasons:

1)Sex
One of the best(and sometimes necessary) rebooting methods for long term addiction is the 90 day hardmode reboot. This means no PMO for 90 days. This can be a struggle in a relationship. Three whole months without sexual activity with your partner. Partners may feel frustration at this while the participants have an additional layer of temptation. Additionally, even if the participant is not doing a hardmode reboot, O'ing from sex can lead to the chaser effect and can sometimes bring back symptoms of PMO if they haven't been rebooting for long enough.

Even starting out rebooting single and entering a relationship can be complicated. Do you tell your new partner about your journey? Could it put them off? Will they judge me? Will they be offended if I don't want sex yet? Will they think I'm unattracted to them? Being single, things are a lot more simpler.

2)Relationship stress
Revealing an addiction to PMO can add a lot of stress to a relationship. Partners can feel lied to, feel inadequate, ashamed or a host of other things which can pile on tension in the relationship. This makes it harder for the participant since PMO is often used as a stress reliever and can make people more tempted than they would otherwise be.

3)Internal vs external motivation
I think this is the biggest reason that rebooting in a relationship can be harder than single. However, it is situational. A lot of times, partners discover their SO's addiction. While not only damaging for the partner, it creates a lacklustre motivational source. Many participants are doing a reboot for their partner instead of doing it for themselves. They can recognise that it is hurting their relationship but can't see how they are hurting themselves the most. The number one beneficiary of the reboot should be yourself. Nearly all single people recognise this and therefore have a more solid foundation to reboot and a higher success chance compared to those who are just doing it because their partners wants them to.

Moreover, single people have more inner accountability. When they peek,reset or relapse they will take full accountability because they are aware and privy of their own actions. Whereas, people who are rebooting for their partners, will sometimes think if their partners doesn't see or catch them, then it's ok. It's all about not being caught. The source of their accountability is their partner so as long as their partner thinks things are going fine, it doesn't matter.

These are just my opinions about this situation. Would love to see your guys viewpoints and discussion about this.

 

Does your fiance ever ask for sex knowing you are rebooting? If you ask, will she refuse on the basis that you are rebooting?

 

Glad you both found a system that work for you. Best luck in your recovery.