Rebooting, and how i see it.

Hi dear nofappers, today i made the decision to create an account to prove to myself (or to my addicted brain) how serious i am about this.

One thing you MUST know is that we people are mentally STRONG, proving by going through tough times like withdrawal and flatlines.

Now my aspect and my view on this horrible, life ruining addiction is that it eats away the energy you have within you. I am currently on day 6, after two relapses but no binge in about two months time (before that average about 3 times a day).


It all started when i was 8-9 years old, i always had enormous amounts of energy, and since i was little i would not stop moving around my mother always said. And oh yeah i was big BIG cry baby. Currently 22 years old.
One time laying in bed i touched myself beneath there and i felt this weird but tingly sensation, it felt good and i suddenly came only to see that it was water like liquid. I literally cried LOL. Was so scared didn’t know what that was. One other time i had the first ever opportunity to be alone with a laptop in a room at my ants house. I quickly loaded google and searched “tits”. I saw images but not so revealing images on google pictures.
I didn’t know what to think and removed the history LOL. When i was at home i was on my dads computer, i don’t remember how i got to pornhub but i was on pornhub for some reason, maybe i searched for sex, idk i was young. I saw videos of people having sex and when i saw it the first time it really had a big impact on me. I was so turned on by that lady, that the following couple of days i would search again for that same video. It quickly became a habit and as the years progressed i became an addict while not even knowing how damaging it was. After about 4 years of fapping to normal vids it started to escalate...

As you guys know, escalation is HORRIBLE. I began watching lesbian porn first, then at age 17 or so i began watching trans, even watched some zoo shit, and other nasty horrible things i regret. I did not know why i did this because i had been in love with many girls in my life.

The thing is i always felt this sensation of brain fog no clear thinking and something that just held me back. At the time i didn’t know, i just did not know bcuz i was young, and very stupid and overly horny. It was all the porn, it took away my golden confidence, my shine, my rational thinking, and my fury of energy.

What i mean by fury of energy, is the following.

Remember when i said that i have a view on this addiction, and what it can do to a person psychologically, it is detrimental.

Let me begin by explaining it like this. Let’s say you have that fury, that energy, that tingling sensation of fire burning in your body, in your soul, and you feel it. That same energy is de-activated because of porn. I literally feel days when im on top of the world like i should be for a healthy young man, and when im not. I did not know why it would not be constant, now i know. If you go too deep in to this addiction, you will have times that life forces you to leave this habit for a period of 3-4 days cuz you just can’t for some good reason. You fall into a flatline, your mind is depressed, it wants that dopamine, it wants that pleasure you have been feesing it it’s entire life. You have no energy, you have no desire, then you fap again some time and feel rather “normal” again, WHILE you are FAR from being normal. I am currently in a flatline, yesterday i was on top of the world, my balls where hanging, and when they hang i become a beast, deep voice, no anxiety, no hyper-vigilance, can look people in the eyes or rather look right trough them, have a FURY like feeling in my chest, legs and back. Feels like i can outlift anyone in my city. I just feel like i am floating, on cloud nine and i can’t be stopped by no one in this world. That same surge of energy is taken away by this vile, horrible addiction. Now my balls are the size of a kid, i was laughing when i saw how much of a pussy this addiction makes you. They are so small, compared to when my brain is rational. The difference is ASTOUNDING. And it makes me very angry, knowing this addiction takes away your fury. I am determined to stop, 10.000 percent. The addiction is so bad i sometimes wake up in the middle of the night looking at porn fapping, the only time i relapsed was because of thats stupid shit. I am never going back to the life of a cuck-beta male while i can be a strong dominant alpha if my brain returns to normal. Now i know why others have it way more easy in life. They are not addicted.

I always said, you guys will see, when i am out of this, when that fury is going to be constant, the old self is gonna come back. Everyone is gonna see. The changes, the redemption, the vengeance.

Time to give that little kid a hand, the kid that has never set off, that kid that has been cheated on, that has been abused, by his own mind.

It’s time.

 

Thanks !! It’s going very well, had to reset however cuz i woke up in the middle of the night again seeing that my addicted mind had pmo’d again, while unconsious.

Will update in a month