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Reboot question? Help!?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by NSLucky, May 25, 2015.

  1. May 25, 2015 #1
    NSLucky

    NSLucky Fapstronaut

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    sorry if I get this wrong...newbie here.
    My husband recently admitted to being a PMO addict. I found this forum, and he joined too. Based on conversations with him and what I've read is it better to abstain from sex in general? He said he assumed he would try for a 90 day hard mode reboot and from a slightly selfish perspective, I am not a fan. However, I don't want to do anything to discourage him or make it harder for him, as our relationship is in jeopardy over this. I looked for info but haven't found much except some vague references to YouTube videos I am kind of afraid to search for since I don't really know what I'm looking for. TIA
     
    NSLucky, May 25, 2015
    NSLucky, May 25, 2015
    #1
  2. May 25, 2015 #2
    Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Hi and welcome!

    Hard mode will likely yield the best results and much faster. Some people continue having sex but it can pose problems for addicts. They often tend to use porn fantasy during sex to keep erections and in order to orgasm, essentially using you to masturbate. Also some addicts will experience a 'chaser effect' which means the urge to masturbate with porn after sex will become unbearable and they may end up succumbing to it. All things to consider.

    Basically your husbands brain chemistry has been altered to the point where he needs to abstain from sexual stimulation altogether to get back in balance. My husband and I did not go hard mode but it took roughly 9 months for my husband to fully recover and this is probably why. Everyone is different so you have to do what feels right for you.
     
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    #2
  3. May 25, 2015 #3
    NSLucky

    NSLucky Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. He said he feels really badly about himself and his performance after sex (I guess because real women, or at least I, don't respond like porn stars?) and feeling badly makes him want to MO (P being a more secondary issue for him I guess) to feel good for the moment... Going to watch the video on dealing with PMO addiction as a couple tonight, then we can discuss it.
     
    NSLucky, May 25, 2015
    NSLucky, May 25, 2015
    #3
  4. May 25, 2015 #4
    Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Does he have a journal on here? He might get some helpful input on his particular situation. I am so happy you both are tackling this issue together. You will go far for sure :)
     
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    #4
  5. May 25, 2015 #5
    Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Whenever we had sex when my husband was an addict it was similar. My husband was just not a good lover at all. I can't speak for your husband and I don't mean to offend at all but this was the case for us. My husband was focused a lot on orgasm and race towards it during sex. I think this is what porn can do for your sex life. He was also very concerned with his erections and if I didn't show enough 'enthusiasm' he would lose it etc. Sex has completely changed for us now. We both enjoy it immensely!!
     
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    #5
  6. May 25, 2015 #6
    NSLucky

    NSLucky Fapstronaut

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    Ironically, my husband is amazing in bed. He is definitely focused on orgasm but on my orgasm. I would say at least 95% of the time it's mind blowing sex. And I happily tell him this. He has (most likely PMO induced PE) but no ED. But I agree I think the wanting more "enthusiasm" is due to the P, but he has major self esteem and self image issues. If it were bad sex, maybe I wouldn't care about waiting as much.
     
    NSLucky, May 25, 2015
    NSLucky, May 25, 2015
    #6
  7. May 25, 2015 #7
    Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Ah ok! This was how we were at first but it slowly morphed into crappy sex and pretty much no sex after a while. Maybe his self esteem is tied to PMO since it can lead to self objectification.
     
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    Limeaid, May 25, 2015
    #7

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