Reality Check

I'll cut the crap. I just relapsed. Well, it happened yesterday. The one thing I've realized about trying to quit pmo is that this is hard as shit!!! Not just really hard. This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do in my life! This goes completely against everything my body is telling me. And as a type 1 diabetic, I listen to my body a lot. It just feels so wrong. Yet I know it will help me in the long run IF I CAN JUST GET PAST 3 OR 4 WEEKS!!!!! Seriously, I can't seem to burst that bubble! So I'm going to ask the really annoying question. WHAT'S THE SECRET!?!?!?!? I just don't want it bad enough it seems. I feel weak. I feel stupid. I hate myself for being so enslaved to my PENIS! That stupid little guy keeps fucking up all my plans. I just need to keep going I guess. And yes, this is me venting. Any suggestions? Cuz I'm starting to get really pissed at this. Just to clear the water and come straight with y'all. My porn usage was never more than once or twice a week. I never got to the 3 to 5 times a day feeling like shit point like some of the horror stories you hear about. Is my case not bad enough to see benefits? Do I just have a low sex drive? I'm always pretty intense when I mo. I'm about average in size and I don't feel bad about my phisical gifting in this area. I just lack the drive to really push myself past 30 days. Does anyone else just not want it bad enough? Is that even my problem? Please help.

 

I got really down on myself for a couple of weeks and was pmo about 2 times a week. I'm really fed up with failure and have some motivation to push through. Getting past 3 weeks will be tough. I'm preparing for that. I'm at 4 days now and feeling better about it.