Hi everyone, I kindly need some help/advice with regards to what I'm experiencing during these days. Currently I'm on the day 42, that is my longest streak ever. After falls and setbacks I'm on the right way now. But I'd like to explain a problem I'm facing in order to work it out. These last 2 days I've been through terrible urges pushed by the desire to have S with older women (40-55 years old). Mature P was actually one of my fave P-related fetish during my black old days into PMO. The "worrisome" fact is that, nowadays, in real life, I only feel attracted by mature women and still can't feel a real attraction to girls equal in my age (I'm 28). After a period -I think- of flatline in which didn't have any sexual or PMO urges, I'm currently facing this. Wait! I don't have any urge to watch P, even if today and yesterday I've sneaked through some ad-boards looking for older women S-ads. Now the point is: I think there's nothing wrong to feel very attracted by mature women, but I'm terribly sure that mine is just something dirty connected to my old P-fetish. I'm struggling to defeat these thoughts and urges, 'cause I truly wanna come back to feel attracted by my peers (girls). And of course, I wanna kill these strange and boring urges. Hope there's someone here with advice or something useful that could help me asap. I need to rewire my brain. Thank again guys, with this place I'm learning how to live again.
You said it: "I need to rewire my brain." You are almost 1/2 way to 90. 90 is not a magic number, but it is a number many of us have reached where we start to feel back in control. A lot of days up to a certain point I had the thought, often, that "I don't think I can make it", "I don't think I can do this." But, at a certain point, around 90 for many, we started to have the thought "I am NEVER going back", "I won't be stopped", "I will never become a slave again," and I have never become a slave again. I think the point of this process is not to turn off your sexuality, but to regain control of it from compulsive porn consumption. So, put in the hard 90, keep clean, keep going, porn is not an option, and when you hit it make sure to post how you feel. I suspect you will feel much more rebalanced then than now.
@slowhands, I understand completely. I also had/have a strong P-related fetish that still finds a way into my mind even after months of rebooting. The memories of and desires for my fetish have lasted wayyy longer than all other memories of P. It has really been difficult for me because on one hand I really get enjoyment from this thing (even non-sexually) and I wish that I could indulge but on the other hand I know that if I did indulge I would eventually M and then likely slip back into P. I ultimately have decided that my fetish/interest is not worth going back to PMO. The good news: When I was around 1-2 months like you (by the way nice job!) I was still thinking of it very often. The memories and desires were still very strong and fresh even though I had little desire to PMO. As time goes on the fetish pops into my head less and less frequently. I am almost at 6 months and I still have the occasional fetish thought but they are becoming significantly sparse. Give it time! If things continue this way I expect in another few months the fetish thoughts will become extremely rare.
Thank you, mate! Your words kinda gave me relief from my fear. I'm currently fighting against strong cravings but, as u said, I have no desire nor urge to PMO. Won't indulge. I only hope these days go by quickly together with cravings and fetish, 'cause except them I'm feeling good!
My hypothesis - albeit an untested one -is that the way to get rid of a kink is to dwell on it as little as possible. When you're not giving it mental reinforcement, the forgetting process sets in and the synaptic connections lose strength. Look at it on the bright side - liking older women isn't immoral or even weird! Still, I do understand why you'd like to connect with those your age.
Hey, thanks! U're right! As you said, it's not weird at all but I'm 101% sure this kind of attraction is due to my fetish. That's why I'm tryin' to re-connect my brain and sensations with girls of my age. Forgetting process underway!
There's sort of a technical difference between a fetish versus a kink, interest, or whatever you want to call it. That is, with a fetish, you can't get off without that element being present. So in your case, I'd say there's nothing wrong with liking older women, so long as you're at the point where you can appreciate younger ones as well.
Heeey @Sir Cranksalot , thanks so much for your reply and article! The article has been quite illuminating, especially this excerpt: "Lesson? High levels of dopamine can powerfully rewire the brain and alter sexual tastes. The researchers emphasized that the male rat wasn't gay, as he didn't try to mount the other rat. Yet he had definitely changed. Similarly, continued porn use can't change your sexual orientation, but it can change what type of porn excites you. Desensitized porn users (low D2 receptors) search for whatever will jack up their lagging dopamine." Didn't know anything 'bout the dopamine effect which can alter sexual tastes. But I felt my fetish was just P-driven and I think I'm not wrong, after reading this. You know, after years and years of binging we're pushed to look for other and more extreme form of P. I fell into mature women genre and I'm currently bringing this into my real life. Good news are: 1) as you said, I'm at the point where I can appreciate younger girls as well. Also, I'm sure they'll be my only option when I'll be healed. 2) in the article there are loads of comments and success stories that give me so much confidence, explaining that with a good reboot everything will be OK again. Thank u again!
yes this is a huge problem for me , I keep dwelling on things. and its hard to 'jump start my life' to activate what I know I need to do.
Hi @yukon , you probably know that a serious streak without PMO is the only solution to stop every kind of fetish. After a few days I wrote this post I realized I still like young girls. To be more precise, I only like young girls. As I'm not thinking much about mature women, I'm gradually forgetting my fetish and letting my brain rewire to its natural path. Sincerely, in the next future I wouldn't say "NO" to an intense conversation or casual sex with a really attractive mature woman, but actually and currently this thought is not bombarding my mind as it would happen weeks ago. As people on the forum wrote, it's just a question of time and brain-rewiring. Abstaining from PMO will clean your brain and you will dwell on your fetishes less and less.
yes I had the same problem, likeing younger girls, but after about 3 years of no PMO at all, not even a second, I really am more into chicks my own age, I mean that not in a sexual way, but in a emotional way, hard to explain, just letting you know things will get even better as time goes on!!
