Ready to take my life back.

I'm 32 and I've been addicted to porn and masturbation since my early teens. I grew up in a very conservative family where any sexuality was strongly shamed, I am also a fairly solitary person, this led to some dysfunction.

When it comes to sexual relationships, I struggle with anxiety about getting it up, I've been in relationships where I was emotionally abused whenever I failed to perform and this has created a cycle of poor self image, amongst other fun psychological problems.

It's been a year since my relationship crumbled, in part because my ex felt unloved because we weren't having sex, in part due to her chronic illness, but also my sexual detachment stemming from fear of failure or causing her injury and porn addiction.

A few nights ago I failed to get it up with a girl I'm growing attached to, she was cool with it, but it was deeply disappointing for me. After doing some reading I've come to the conclusion that my body needs some retraining, so I'm three days into my reboot. I really want to get the energy back that I used to have, I miss connecting with my partner, I miss feeling confident in my sexual abilities. Gotta get my life back together.

Thanks for reading.

 

As I mentioned in my initial post, I'm 32. I don't know if I actually have ED, I'm pretty sure it's an issue with performance anxiety and sexual exhaustion, I've struggled on and off with it throughout my life and other times I've performed great, I also don't really struggle to maintain an erection when masturbating, unless I've been overdoing it. I'm pretty determined to quit though, Day 3 of Reboot.

Edit: After reading more, it's probably PIED. I know what I must do.

 

Thanks for the encouragement, I'm still going strong. Mostly I'm just pushing through on willpower alone, the moment I realized there was a name for what I was experiencing, the moment I started pursuing a reboot.

 

I appreciate the assistance and feedback. Truthfully, I'm a little turned off by the general militant vibe around denying myself MO, or PMO, mostly because I always try to take a calm and level-headed approach to things. Quitting my bad habit has enough logical reasoning behind it in itself, I extend patience and kindness to myself in this process, I approach the problem rationally, rather than violently. As a Buddhist, that's just kind of how I roll in general. If it makes sense and improves quality of life, that's enough to keep me going. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time, and it's only been a week, I'm looking forward to furthering improvement.