quitting porn to be a better feminist and human being

Hi Ride:
Congratulations on making it this far even without the group support. You are correct that simply stopping masturbation and porn will not do the trick for you. As a matter of fact will power alone is a good way for me to go crazy. One key is replacing the bad stuff with other things you simply couldn't do before. A second key is to keep the vision. At morning and night instead of p and m I come to this site and look for new posts I can reply to. Somehow in the process of reading another's story and then giving my insight it actually fortifies me such that I don't have to 'white knuckle' my recovery. Franking much of the time I don't even think about it.

Like you however, there are times when I have strong urges or feel down and start to feel myself attracted to the fap life again. As quickly as I can even if its the middle of the day, I get back to this site and make a couple posts. It is amazing how it re-clears my vision. All the best! You have thousands of brothers and even some sisters on this site pulling for you!

 

I agree with knowabit,
Just stopping will cause a buildup of energy in your groin area. I'll give a little inside on what i have found out and what has really helped me through this. I went 77 days before this stint, had 1 weak day, and now i am determined to make it, and these things have helped.

This was the proscription given to me and it has changed me and my views on sex as a whole.
1. I think it would be right for you to stop MO'ing for about 2 weeks, which it sounds like you already have. You followed your instincts (that you can recreate fantasies in your head) and you knew you should stop for awhile. I just got through this period too and it's important because you are trying to 1. Let this mental wound heal fully and 2. Rewire the neurotransmitters in your brain, allowing the old hyper-stimulation of porn to die. Whats the point of laying new wire in the same channel?? Exactly

- There is so much to this topic man i'll try and keep it short but basically it is crucial to understand the body is essentially a bioelectromagnetic field of energy with a consciousness. Your attention and intention literally form the reality around you. From what you feel, to what you focus on, and how you act. Sexual energy is the most powerful in our bodies, with the capability to create life.
In order to understand how to "reset" as they often say on here, you have to give yourself space in which to discover why you have been thinking and acting the way you are. Obviously all of us have 1 in common and it changed our perspectives on sex and woman, porn. So it's all fine and dandy that we are staying away from PMO and trying to change habits, but sex drive isn't going to just go away. And in men like us who have been addicted to hyper stimulation through porn it is a thing that has tainted our minds. So we conclude then, that it is our mind that needs changing. It isn't porn that we need to address... It is escapism. It is the ability of willpower that we need back, to say NOPE i don't need this. It does not control me; and then afterword it is the process of finding our true nature once again.
That's where Meditation comes in. Now I'm not some yogi guru or some shit. I'm just a regular guy like you and I would have never thought of myself as a meditation person, but only 10 minutes a day of stillness has lead me to some pretty big epiphanies. There MUST BE, i repeat MUST BE, time in your day to sit, quietly, and breath. You might ask, if i'm not thinking how is that going to lead to me figuring out my issues with sexual energy? Well.. look at it like this. The human mind has on average 50 thoughts a minute. We are constantly bombarded also by, media/tv/ad's, subconsciously that DO effect our thoughts. You even think while you are sleeping! Haha just in your subconscious. Meditation gives you space and takes the immediacy out of "I must release now!" A small window of time to breath, and in that space you are more able to clearly control your frontal lobe and your desire. The energy dissipates from your groin and into the rest of your body. Your intentions, motivations, attention have a chance to reset so to speak. The brain has blocks in it from things we have habitually consumed or been told since we were young, like porn, and it directly changes our outlook on life; feeds us illusions on life. The space that is found in this practice can give a person afterword the ability to drop their ingrained perceptions and get back to the core of who they really are, back to control over there mind. It's all about control over the mind. You don't need to sit in some lotus position, or have bells or chant music, it just simply needs to be a time where you sit quietly, nothing going on, and focus on your breathing. It is going to be difficult! Trust me thoughts will swarm your mind and you'll be lucky to get 1 or 2 minutes of true thoughtless-ness out of a 10-15 minute meditation. However the calmness and ability to regain your composure even after only a couple minutes will astound you. Do not fantasize, or build things in your mind. When thoughts come notice them as thoughts, and focus solely on breathing. Deep breath in, slow breath out and push your thoughts out. Focus intently on what you feel. Your 5 senses. Feel your entire body but be thoughtless.
Meditation forces a person to look inward. The answers to your problems will not come from looking to the outside world. Those who look outward dream, those who look inward awaken. It will give you the space to better understand why. Those things in your life that seem so crucial and agitating will be much less so. In stillness lies answers. Now after the 2 weeks have passed, or when ever you feel those old thoughts of dominate going away it is important you fill your time. This could be filling your time with more meditating, it could be just going on a walk, whatever, but those old pathways will be dying now and it's important to reward your pleasure seeking centers with productive things to rebuild them.

Transfer of energy is key. Lastly, i highly suggest you take a look at this site. It might just do you and your girl wonders man. It is basically about how the modern way of thinking about sex, a.k.a. horny sex me-driven orgasm sex, is flawed and is actually bad for a relationship in the long run. Sex can be beneficial, but if done in the right way. Empowering both individuals and almost making them super human with the energy they can share, instead of *pop orgasm, done.
That's why the first thing i said is it's important to start understanding your body as a bio electromagnetic field of energy: http://www.reuniting.info/science

Take it easy duuude

 

Well said! You've re-sold me on meditation.

 

Hi Ride! Welcome to the community. Way to go on your 15 days in!

I agree with NamaClature14 and know_a_bit in their arguments, particularly know_a_bit's, because you really need a reason for doing this that will get you through.

The urge to M does come from the mind, but it causes very real physical urges. YMMV, but I've found that as your absintenance continues, the mind will redouble its effort to get you to re-establish the ritual and it can be physically painful. I had one time around Day 72 where I had a sensation like something was about to tear me apart from inside if I didn't give in.

So, should this happen, you're going to need a reason to pull you through and above all, you must not doubt it. It must be an ironclad reason and goal. For me, I thought of all the men in my life who didn't fap (or I suspected they didn't) and how much more free they were because of this. I drew on their strength so to speak. Conversely I thought of the people that said they did and observed how much unhappier and closed off they were. How desperate and bitter they were about the opposite sex.

So definetly cultivate your reason, and once you've got it, stake it deep in the ground.

As to your concerns about the reset working: I'm about 121 days in, I've still got some flash fantasies here and there, but the big difference is I'm mentally able to shove them aside now. When I started it was a huge struggle to do so.

Also the urges become much easier to regulate as part of your natural rhythm (going to what NamaClature said) and even has the positive effect of making you more involved and sociable. I would suspect meditation can have an even greater focusing effect.

So it may take a little longer than the quoted 90 days, but that's okay. There are changes and you will see them.

 

Yeah Rob! It's really helped me. I'm almost at a month now, although i went about 2 before this w/ a week relapse inbetween, but i tell you what it has really helped. That reunited website has a ton of useful information too about sex that can bring couples together instead of pushing them apart over time due to constant orgasm and how it feeds the wrong genes in us.
It talks about how our genes are at odds w/ eachother. The animal in use from primal days still exists which is survive! and procreate with as many woman as possible. But then there is the stability side in us that wants a solid caring relationship w/ a woman who will be our other half. The key, according to them, Taoists, Gnostics (pre Catholic Christians) and more is in controlling the orgasm. Apparently it's release causes a chemical imbalance.