what do you think of printing pics of girls faces only he oogles or pstars and burning them? he can't get images out of his head so what do you think about changing the images and having him memorize the burning one??
Creative, but I don't think that would work. Every time I see an erotic image, even a pornstar's face, it gets further and further burned in my mind, regardless of what's actually done with the paper afterwards. It might be similar to making an alcoholic take a drink and slapping him afterwards. Probably better to enforce the positive actions and thoughts, the old will eventually pass away. Praying for these women helps me sometimes, but more so remembering to see my wife, or any woman, as a person and not as a body helps. Practice. With time, new memories will mostly replace old ones.
Also helps to realize many of these pornstars are now dead, likely caused by the damage done from doing porn. No images needed there.
thank you for your opinion. i am hoping to get many more. I told this to my husband this morning and he kinda liked the idea, since the thoughts were pissing him off i am hoping to hear from others what they think as well. i would more say this is like an alcoholic dumping the bottle and smashing the glass then i would having him drink and slapping him. but i see what you mean. thing is many of the women he still works with. so he sees them everyday so how is he not drinking the alcohol on a daily basis anyway?
I completely understand why you're thinking about doing this. I can't tell you how many times I've burned things from my past. It's cathartic. But I think, as far as it goes related to an addiction, it will have to be very much repeated in order to replace the images that are essentially burned into his mind already. (I apologize for the pun lol) So you'd have to do it at least as often as he thinks of these women or looks at them. Which will be very difficult, if not impossible. I fear doing something like this won't be as powerful as the addiction is for him. I know how powerful it can be for me, personally, to burn things - But I doubt it will have the same effect on a mind that has been so conditioned on these women. So like I said, unless it's an every-day thing, it will likely not have much of an effect.
I understand the symbolism of burning these images but it also feels (to me) like an act of empty nihilism akin to the worst excesses of religious puritanism. And I appreciate that you don't mean it this way but won't the end result be a heart that is satisfied by burnt offerings yet fundamentally unchanged?
ya i see your point, but he also never had a moment of deleting P. he never saved it. and the phone that he used is broken. and smashed to bits. and so i thought this could be like him deleting them. what do you think of doodling on them?
Gotta be quick (phone battery super low), but I think doodling is much more creative. If done with a sense of fun it would do far more to undermine his temptations than sheer destruction
what do you think of doodling on them? we are talking like 95-100 pics ( these are people he can still look st regularly, everyday) and must actively attempt to not oogle their parts. theres like 200-250 employees at his work and more than half are females. and they all work around him literally. would getting a new job be better or harmful cause then he has new people to look at?
I suppose it depends on what kind of person he is. Do you think doodling on them will create new neural pathways that deter him from thinking about them sexually? I take it he is having issues staying present and not ogling at work. Partially I think that doodling on their faces only dehumanizes them more than he already has in his mind. Possibly making him more likely to keep them separate and ogle-able. He should read @Kenzi 's thread on Ogling: A Female's Perspective if he hasn't already. I can link you if needed. Want to know what I did? I threatened to message one of them. I literally found her on facebook and had a message request at the ready. I said..... Do you want her to know the disgusting things you were thinking about her? Do you want to know how uncomfortable you're probably making her? Or will you make it stop? Your choice. I know it was a threatening way to do it... and kind of extremely petty. But it was embarrassing enough to make him stop and think about what he was doing. I don't regret it at all.
@WantsToBelieve He has read it, and i have made the threat, its not a matter of him not wanting to stop i dont' think. its that he panics and copes by looking. @Batboy123 chime in if i am getting this wrong. But i don't think he doesn't want to stop looking, i think he doesn't know how. so i am trying to some up with way to wither change the image or help him get rid of it. and rewire so he stops assciating dopamine with the picture He Did lol we dis mantled it and destroyed it.
I don't know. If it were me, I'd write "I hope you find a loving husband and have a happy family." Try whatever you think. As long as the disordered desires are converted to ordered ones. Hopefully he can begin to see the people he works with as people struggling with their own demons, with their own unique problems, some of them just want to get through the day. They are not pornstars. They may have husbands, children, family, friends just like all of us and want to be accepted, not used as tools for pleasure.
many of their husbands WORK THERE! he knows who they are.... thats how f'ed up his brain is. he just chose to separate it. and now some of his flashbacks include the husbands.
Why print? Why waste the ink? Aren't ink cartridges like $35/color. I say take the money you would have spent on ink/paper and buy jewelry. Then wear it and remind him of what made the purchase possible.
Sentiment still remains: that they obtain a happy marriage and family life. But good for you on thinking outside the box. Just to give you an idea on how deep this hole goes, I haven't fantasized in a long time yet last night I had several neutral dreams and at the very last moment, right before I woke up, turned erotic to a point that made my stomach turn. Woke up angry and I've felt terrible ever since. I know I didn't intend the dream, but what I saw felt real and was repulsive. The images and thoughts don't leave easily. It takes many other thoughts to replace them.
Hm.... I'll think on this a little more and get back to you. There has to be a way to help him re-wire effectively. What are his coping mechanisms other than ogling? What causes him to panic? Just the thought of all the women around him? Or general anxiety/depression? Makes sense that giving into the temptation would be the easiest way to get rid of the panic. Does he have a fidget spinner or other gadget that he can keep in a pocket and fiddle with, focus on that instead of his surroundings? A photo of you as his phone background (not an inappropriate one - Just you, smiling) that he can focus on? (or a pet, a child, something he loves and holds dear) Targeting the negative stimuli and swapping it out with a different stimuli which causes a positive response is ideal. Negative reinforcement can be damaging.
he has a fidget spinner and a fidget ring i remind him of some of them or thats the connection his brain is trying to make. It makes me feel horrible. he has terrible anxiety and used P to cope and his brain is associating P or psubs with everything he holds dear (starwars, cartoons, me, fishing, baseball etc.)
this is hard. re-wiring the brain is not easy or quick. personally, I think all the ideas above may have merit - nothing is one-size-fits-all, so just try one or two and see if it helps. no real harm in trying IMO. HOWEVER - my gut says this is not what's going to really fix the goofed up noggin. Does your man meditate? I'd wager that will provide the most real progress in the shortest time. Learning to quiet the brain, to experientially learn that we do not have to be victims of the BS our brains and bodies generate is very empowering. I'd aim for 15 mins twice a day, morning and evening. maybe add a 10 min smoke break at work twice a day and sit in his car. I know it sounds stupid, but it has amazing effects. Try the headspace app - first 10 are free. also InsightTimer app is free. got nothing to loose but some time...
