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I doubt he's watching the full videos. Ultimately Novelty seeking is the addiction. After a short while you get bored and and want something more exciting.

I'm just curious have you brought up NoFap to him? Is he aware of his addiction?

 

Going off my experience. I used to browse 10s of 10s of videos, until I found the one that was pressing my buttons.
Most wouldn't cut it so I would keep searching and searching until I found the video that would get me going.

So it's unlikely he spent the whole 4hrs.
But I have also in the past spent up to 3hrs watching but mainly (20+ minute videos) so it's still possible. But most times it's just searching for the one that is most intense.

I'm so glad I don't do that anymore. It's a horrible addiction.

 

Same here man. I can't get the images out of my head either.
Everything I've seen is stuck there *sigh*.

 

Same.. Every now and then these porn scenes play inside my mind I've seen over the years and almost in front of my eyes. I cannot forget these scenes, especially the hardcore stuff. I feel traumatized almost like soldiers who don't get war images outside there head.

But I do believe after I reach a certain amount of days with no PMO things will get better.

 

Addictions are no joke and people need as much support as they can possibly get. You should tell him you've checked his phone and also about this site, he can't keep on being in denial forever, or lying about it for that matter. He might need "professional" help although I'm not entirely sure where he can get it. Give this guy a final chance and support him as best as you can for a month or so and see how that goes. But regardless of your decision good luck for both of you!

 

I'm a SO of an addict and I think you are totally being fair. You caught him you asked him to stop he did not and he lied to you about it. Now you feel like you have to be a detective in your own relationship which is supposed to give you comfort and safety. That is not fun. You also can't have a relationship without trust. But it does not matter what I think is fair what matters is what you feel comfortable with. You are entitled to your boundaries no matter if others see them fair or not. You decide what you will tolerate. And honestly it does not matter how many hours he's viewing just that he is and said he would not. If you decide to give him a chance just ask him and tell him that he must be 100% open with you in order to continue.

 

Yes, it's fair. If his addiction bothers you, and you've warned him, tried to help, given multiples chances, then of course it's fair to dump him.

 

I totally agree

 

The lying is worse for us SO than actually looking at PMO. It makes you question everything they say going forward and all the things they have told you in the past. Trust is very hard to rebuild in the first place but every betrayal makes it harder and harder.

 

It doesn't matter how much the average gal or guy does, an addiction is an addiction. People think that the longer someone does it, the more severe the addiction is, but it's not true.

No one can make the decision for you or know its implications, but it sounds fair to me.

 

Yep, I had days of that which thankfully are starting to release their hold on me.

I used to go for full movie P and I would know almost to the second where certain scenes were and I would just jump to those. In the end it wasn't the kissing or lead up but just the gratuitous close up act itself. I had negated everything else simply to holes and things going in them. I debased those actors and myself in the same moment.

 

If he's always denied he's an addict and refuses to see that it's a problem over a 5 year period, then even unfortunately for him, yes it would be fair to leave him. It's a harsh reality sometimes but you also have your life, and if it's not an even healthy relationship then it will either only get worse or continue to be depressing.

One thing that will happen though is if you leave him, he will either suddenly realise he has got an addiction (cause and effect), or he already knew he had an addiction just is either to ashamed to admit it or just doesn't care...in which case he will probably want you to take him back and say he will do X and Y things to make it work. But if he's not a self confessed addict, he will just go back to the same shiz niz.

 

Why not try to be truly blunt in conversation with him? If you haven't tried already. Having a very blunt and honest conversation with him could save your marriage and him as well. Putting it in his face. "Hey, I know what you're doing. I hate what you do." Might be great for him despite the awkward and tense conversation it could be for both of you. If he has erectile dysfunction also, put that in his face. Tell him that. Even if it hurts. Show and read him an article on it if you have to... He may feel completely inadequate as a result and make him withdrawn and feel like a failure, wanting to push you away after but it will at least make him think and possibly try to stop... You'd have to put up with him during his attempts at stopping... which I know you said you have already..... I'm writing this because I would want you to do this for me, and think it would help.

If you get the chance too, look up what pornography does to a persons brain. I remember reading an article where they said its like heroine addiction... From being a porn addict myself, not that I've done heroine, I want to agree with it. It's truly hard to get rid of it. I wana say I'm around maybe one session every couple months. I do my best to have the mindset of, "never, never again. Not an option." but it's insanely hard to literally never touch the stuff once your addicted. Especially when your really stressed over stuff. Instead of saying, I'm going to have a drink to unwind, it's, I'm going to look at porn and enjoy myself.

I really wish the best for your marriage and I'm sorry you're going through this. May God and Jesus Christ bless you and help you not just with this but in every way, your husband also.


.... If I don't stop looking at porn, I had a dream that I was going to go to Hell. Your husband will also. You should tell him that.