Question about depression/anxiety

I logged into this forum after nearly 4 years. Gravitated here from reddit. Last time i was here i was 17/18,I don't remember. I didn't have any restraint and was going through a really hard phase of my life. Now 22, I have gotten nowhere. Can't control myself, Help myself or keep my addiction under control...
Hopless, desperste and in self pity

Almost everyone in my college knows me as a fearless intellectual who goes to competitions and wins in speech competitions and all. I have done a lot in college, But I have no one to turn to in reality. I lost a lot.

I like to keep myself engaged in some hard chore or work, where it's mostly just me. After all of that time and effort, I have no one at my side. It kills me.
Still no one to keep me accountable in the real world. No one who asks me how my day was, or how i am doing.

I talk to plenty of people but never show weakness. I appear fearless and gritty but, I struggle everyday to keep myself sane and normal. I lost a lot of class today. Nobody bothered to ask why, Nobody felt my absence. Nobody cared.

My dopamine circuitry is fried. My pleasure system is fried. Normal things don't excite me. Normal living doesn't excite me. Small mood swings feel like major breakdowns. But, the world isn't waiting around for me. I am soo done.

 

You just have to find SOMETHING to look forward to no matter how small it is. Even if its just a youtube video you want to watch and keep pushing through the day. Tomorrow might be betteer. Having a high anxiety day myself.

 

If everybody didn't need anonymity and an alter ego to talk about such things. We would never be so open to one another in real life

 

I can relate to everything in your post but especially this. I'm thinking that if and when I can finally conquer my p/m/o habit and leave degeneracy behind, I'll be much better off and have a hope of returning to who I was before becoming a shell of myself.

 

I can explain this easy as I'm going through it.

I have to wake up almost every day at 11 am to 12pm due to body and nerves pain. I make an effort every day to brush, sometimes take shower and get or make breakfast. I mostly get a break from withdrawals at 9pm-11pm. And that's when I shower for the night and whole day till the same time again.
When I have completed at least 30 days of nofap, I'm able to drive long distance and go to the mall or see family members who stay far from me. Still with pains but to a manageable degree.
Hell I'm writing this in bed with legs, back aches and muscles spasms.
I'm crossing my fingers to reach at least the first 3 weeks pmo free so I can go to the mall after black Friday.

 

What began to pull me out of a deep depression with suicidal thoughts was learning that I am the author of my own life, of my own destiny. Not society, not anybody else. That was the key. However, accessing this innate power-potential takes time. How long? It depends on the person. How is it accessed? Well, realizing there is something in the way is a good place to start working from. Add SR, patience, persistence and faith to the recipe and who knows where the road leads to?!

 

I would recommend Meditation, Breathing Techniques and Yoga. And maybe the Wim Hof Methode and Cold Showers. Those all together have really helped me with depression and anxiety.

I also take anti depressants and they also help.

Working out or exercising is also great!

 

I'm just gonna leave this here: https://cure-erectile-dysfunction.org/antidepressants-and-sexual-function

IMHO, you shouldn't be so careless when implying that something as controversial and dangerous as anti-depressants will help anyone even if you think it helps you. Not for p/m/o or anything else for that matter. No one here has an anti-depressant deficiency.

I'm not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

 

Only fighting just to see another day trying to accomplish one day at a time. I also discover that going outside seeing different things could help with anxiety even if you stay by yourself.

 

You're "only hope" is not medication. I have struggled in the past with severe depression and anxiety, but I have never resorted to those concoctions. Why not? Because they can't hold a candle to mother nature in this case. So, what to do? Try these three simple exercises, daily:
1) Go outside into nature, or even a patch of grass, and place your bare feet on the ground for 15-30 minutes.
While you're doing that work on the next two exercises:
2) Do two to four rounds of Wim Hof breathing (or something similar). Instructions are easy to find on Youtube. It's easy to learn and practice. 5 to 15 minutes and you're done.
3) Do the Surabhi Mudra for seven or so minutes (hand gesture from yoga). Instructions are easy to find on Youtube. It's also easy to learn and practice. Gradually lengthen the practice time.

All three of these exercises are easy to do. You don't need a lot of time. You don't need money or a special talent. You don't need any special equipment or place. There are no debilitating side effects. You don't need to see a teacher.

What we need is patience, persistence, gratitude and faith.

 

I'm facing the same issues with a lot of body pain. I'm crossing my fingers to complete November pmo free so I can take care some activities such as socializing....
Also I had to binge watching TV and YouTube due to boredom.

 

Boredom is also a trigger for me to PMO. And it mostly happens towards 8-10 pm. So what I do..first I go outside to vape. Then I listen to music and if I'm still bored I watch a series like Band of Brothers (which gives me that sort of idk how to explain it but "comradery feeling" and then usually I go to sleep.