Pray for me

Keep going to confession, keep praying and get to adoration if you can. My last confession the priest said to me you have to be like Jesus carrying the cross, just keep getting back up and persevering. He also told me to meditate of Psalm 51 Psalms, PSALM 51 | USCCB . I really like that Psalm and many years ago I had used parts of it as a prayer.

Keep getting up brother.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have been there many, many times. "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." Those voices that we hear in our head are lies... our shame and "God's disappointment" come from the Accuser. These thoughts do not reflect the respect and admiration that God has for you. You exist because of his love. No one is perfect, (unless you're the Virgin Mary), and he knows our weaknesses and is happy to bear them with us while we learn to grow. He doesn't expect "perfectionism." He just wants a son. Even though it might not seem like it right now, you would be doing a great thing for yourself, and for him, and for your growth, by continuing to get up; you are learning perseverance and fidelity, and also humility in confession. The classical response to the problem of evil, as you know, is that God allows us to fall because he is able to bring about a greater good. "O happy fault that merited for us so wonderful a redeemer!" Jesus was pleased to make the sacrifices that he did for us, and your angels and your saints are cheering you on. "Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more." Keep getting up and start again!