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Power of Women & Sexuality

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Ohmai, Apr 30, 2019.

  1. Apr 30, 2019 #1
    Ohmai

    Ohmai New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,


    This is my first contribution to this forum, but I have been reading through many posts and trying to understand this lifestyle/challenge. To be honest, I struggle with the NoFap idea a little but I would like to know more. I decided to share my story below & I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.


    I am in my mid-twenties and I own an online business, which allows me to travel & do the things I love. This was my dream since I was a teenager and even though I went to university, I knew I had to become an entrepreneur. I have my purpose in life and I know exactly what I want – I was always highly motivated and disciplined. I would say that I am a confident man, enjoying his job, family, fitness…


    However, it all seems to go to hell when I get into a relationship – it starts slowly, I begin neglecting the gym and soon I even lose my focus while working. I have never been addicted to porn or masturbation, I have always thought that 2-3 times per week is even considered “healthy” so – why not? But when I have a girlfriend I somehow become “addicted” to sex and obsessed with her body – I lose my purpose and I slowly become an animal (thinking & dreaming about it all the time). I always thought that it will get better when I get older (horny teenager is pretty normal, right?), but it got worse… way worse. My last relationship was filled with love & support, but I feel like it was built around sex. It is horrible to realize, since it was also one of the reasons it ended – even though she felt the attraction at first, she slowly lost it since I was no longer a confident guy but a desperate loser trying to have sex with her at any occasion (a little exaggeration, if you allow).


    What is more important? Pleasure or my purpose? Well, I know the answer, but my animal part of the brain would disagree. I am very into Stoicism and philosophy, self-development & especially self-control (discipline)… It makes me very sad that a part of me is so primitive and what is even worse, it is stronger. I hate the fact that the woman body has so much power & control over me – It is pretty common to see it everywhere you look, on social media but in the streets as well… I hate that it is so easy to “turn my brain off” and take away the years of discipline and habits from me. I understand that there are guys who are motivated by sex & sexual energy = work on yourself and you will get more. That is not me, I really hate that I love it so much! Women seem to be draining my energy and motivation even in a good, harmonious relationship.


    The reason why I am here, is that I want to stop, I want to get free – I want to conquer the primitive part of my brain and get back my control. I thought that the NoFap lifestyle/challenge would help me to free myself from the power of woman body & sexuality. I do not want to allow anyone to move me away from my goals & purpose… Having a relationship is great, but when the relationship “works” I spend most of my time with her/thinking of her and that is not very helpful for my work. When the relationship ends/doesn’t work, I feel even worse = both scenarios are moving me away from my goals & dreams


    However, I feel that by doing NoFap, I will basically give all women even more power over me – being so horny comes close to desperation, trying to have sex as much as possible. I can only imagine how horny you must be if you are on day 30, 90, 360… I feel like they would have something I would desperately want/need and it would be even worse! Some of you guys mentioned that you just do not look at the pretty girl in the gym, you avoid the cleavage and the cute girl in tank tops to prevent any temptation… But is this really “the way”? This seems to be even worse – being scared that I would rather not go to the gym because there may be a pretty girl. In that case it seems to be better to become a monk and live in the woods, far away from the opposite sex.

    Don’t get me wrong, I want to start a family one day and I would love to have a relationship, but so far it seems like there is no real solution – Maybe having a girlfriend I won’t be attracted to that much? I don’t think so…


    The worst part is that I am starting to hate myself for those feelings and blame the innocent pretty girls that unknowingly mess up my brain.


    Thank you guys so much for reading, I would love to hear your thoughts!


    Have a nice day
     
    Ohmai, Apr 30, 2019
    Ohmai, Apr 30, 2019
    #1
  2. Apr 30, 2019 #2
    Bale

    Bale Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I totally relate to your post since my girlfriend broke up with me for the same reason a couple years ago. I remember hearing from her that I had become a totally different person. At the beginning of a relationship you tend to have sex all the time, but it doesn't take long before it turns into a routine and then she knows she can have you any time so there is not that much build up of attraction any more. It just takes more time, effort and subtlety to get there.
    As a guy, it's very strange when you notice the shift because your libido doesn't go down as fast as hers. After that point is reached, what I learned from my errors is that it is absolutely necessary (if you want the relationship to continue) to accept that the dynamic will never be exactly as it was in the beginning. The best I can think of to avoid falling victim to my own horniness is to focus my attention and energy on personal activities, spending time with my own friends, etc. I'd even say "no" to her every once in a while even if I'd really enjoy some good sex, to just postpone it until I know that it will be quality sex and not just random banging, because it feels so much better. Makes a woman happy too, if she knows you'd rather have no sex than poor quality sex.
     
    Bale, Apr 30, 2019
    Bale, Apr 30, 2019
    #2
  3. Apr 30, 2019 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I urge you to research this more closely. While it is a common opinion, it doesn't necessarily reflect the current body of literature on porn addiction.

    This quote is taken from the first chapter of Gary Wilson's Your Brain on Porn:

    "...This new research includes some 37 neurological studies on porn users, as well as 12 new reviews of the literature, all by some of the world's top neuroscientists. There are also some 15 studies revealing escalation of porn use or habituation to porn (a sign of tolerance, and of addiction). Among them can be found evidence of both tolerance and withdrawal symptoms. With respect to porn-induced sexual problems there are now 23 studies linking porn use and porn addiction to sexual problems and lower arousal to sexual stimuli. In four of these papers, there is also evidence of causation because the men healed problems by eliminating porn use. In addition, more than 50 studies now link porn use to less sexual andrelationship satisfaction. Similarly, some 40 studies link porn use to poorer cognitive function and mental health problems."​
    You have no idea how common this is. Here's a question -- is the girlfriend the cause of these addiction-like patterns, or are the widely observed symptoms of porn addiction (desensitization, tolerance, dependency) to blame? It isn't hard to imagine these symptoms manifesting themselves more plainly during times of sexual activity. In fact, it was a bad relationship that made me realize how bad my dysfunctions really were.

    ​
    This is a common hesitancy and I understand where you're coming from man, but to me, getting off 3-4 times a week from girls I have no intimate connection with in order to function normally in a relationship gives woman more power over me than anything else could. Indulgence is not the answer if you really want to control your sexual desires around women.

    Sure, you'll be horny at times -- but you will have control of your sexuality. It truly is liberating. Give it a trial run and see what happens, you'd be surprised
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 30, 2019
    Deleted Account, Apr 30, 2019
    #3

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