Porn = Cheating?

Thats a bad analogy but okay.... Sleeping with a prostitute is not the same as pizza. I have no guilt watching porn if my gf isnt around. What youre not getting is that if porn is normalized in spciety and im not denying my P use to my SO then theres no need for me to feel ashamed.

Pretty sure i said this at one point earlier. But women and men have differenr views on cheating men view physical cheating as the death sentance while women view emotional cheating as the being the worse of the two.

Once again this is a difference in opinion.

 

Even if your gf is totally okay with it, just think about it.... What is one of the main things (this is by no means the only one but still) that is so special about the romantic/marital relationship? It's that each one is committed to getting sexual pleasure only from the other, and shares sexual pleasure only with the other.. if an SO is totally ok with her SO getting his sexual pleasure from watching pictures of other women, then how much different is it from those ridiculous "open relationships"? Then if ones SO is perfectly fine with her SO getting sexual pleasure from other real women (open relationships) does that seem to be that different from your mutually agreed viewing of porn?

 

Even if may or may not precisely be "cheating", no good will come out of it... You will compare your accepting gf to those women you watched in porn (subconsciously at least), that will make your mind magnify the bad points about he appearance while minimizing the good points about her, and will result in both of you getting decreased attraction towards the other... Not to mention you running the slippery slope towards pmo addiction...

 

"men view physical cheating as the death sentence"
That's too much of a generalization... I for one, and many other men, expect (and will give fully in return) total physical AND emotional commitment..... I would be devastated if my SO developed a strong emotional leaning towards another guy, almost as much as if she physically cheated... I believe she should be developing and perfecting that sexual and romantic connection with me, her husband, to whom she has committed herself permanently, rather than some other guy....

 

Brother, it's better to think of your sex drive as a tool that's meant to connect you fully with your SO and make you both even more devoted to each other, rather than as an itch that needs to be scratched with pmo if your gf not around..

I get that you have scars from a hurtful relationship... But there is no need to become cynical because of that... We just need to be more discerning in who we select, paying more attention to the character rather than on the externals...

 

Agreed thats an insightful point. But i will also say that it is easy to say such things from an observers perspective. Once youre in it, the wide array of emotions one feels are very easy to get lost in. Personally being in nofap following a BU feels like being a pitbull locked up in a cage. I agree with youre statement of using your sexual energy productively, cuz it has helped me change certain things in my life

 

I have a large sexual appetite and my ex did too. Personally if youre open and honest about things i dont see the issue here. Everything isnt black and white in relationships. I would say that P use in the long run will hurt relationships which is why i choose to battle it now so it doesnt hurt me later down the road. But it never became an issue until i started grad school.

The beauty of my former relationship existed on a level higher than sex. For 3 years we had sex at least 3-4 times a week on average typically much more than that given how much time we spent together. We shared similar ideals, views on religion, outlook on life, our connection was spiritual sexual mental and emotional. The best part of the relationship was that we were best friends. I gave her what she needed to thrive regardless of what i wanted granted it didnt cross any lines and she gave me everything she could. Because you do not understand something do not judge it. Id imagine that once people enter an age where their sex hormones start to decrease P use will seriously affect their performance, but both me and my.former partner we in pretty great shape and healthy individuals so sex was not an issue

 

Well, I know many woman who suffer from the fact, that their husbands are watching porn.
It makes them feel like they are not good enough, and that hurts.

Many man experience the same feeling when their women using toys, that are way bigger than their manhood, the man feels not big enough.

For me it is cheating, because you take away the desire, love and affection that prolongs to them.

Who won’t want to be the only one for their partners?

 

Well said... Apart from loving their spouses and being devoted to them, People should save their sexual and romantic energy, even their gazes only for their spouses... That will make the relationship much more stronger and full of trust

 

Unfortunately people treat sex like a commodity and as a cheap pleasure that one can enjoy with anyone and anything, even with oneself...

People threw aside Christian principles as being too repressive and outdated, and the whole culture is now reaping the result

 

Without sexual self control, one cannot be faithful to ones spouse in both body and mind..... That's why Christianity insists on sexual self control, so that marriage relationship may be truly and fully faithful and full of happiness....

 

I have never considered my porn use cheating. To be honest my use of streamed hardcore porn only began after I got married. Yes in the 90's I used internet porn but it wasn't like it is today, it was still the equivalent of having hardcore magazines.

My wife knows I use porn, she knows I masturbate to porn, she accepts that, just as I accept that she has vibrators.

What I hide from her is the frequency and at times the depravity of the material I look at. It's not cheating, it's just a deception, and I don't want that in my relationship any more.