Porn addiction has completely ruined the way I live my life, and it's time I made a change.

I was going to post this on the subreddit but there are some weird formatting rules that my porn-riddled brain cannot figure out so here I am.

Today is the day that I make a damn change, not a half assed one but a change that has the potential to exponentially increase the quality of my life. I'm 18. I should be studying in college in a program that I like. Instead, I'm on my laptop typing away in a forum dedicated to stopping porn addiction.

I never studied in high school. I barely graduated and I dropped all of my advanced courses that were required for university. I dropped them because I made the conscious choice to jerk off to other people having sex. I have made this decision thousands of times.

If I spent even a quarter of the time I devoted to pornography to learning Calculus, I'd be in a significantly better place.

I wouldn't be worried about having a completely fucked and twisted perception of sexual intimacy. I wouldn't be worried about what I'm going to do once my mother decides to kick me out. I wouldn't be worried about having few distant friends or being completely ostracized from my family.

Now that I have graduated high school, I've done very little with my life. Working odd jobs in a futile attempt to show my mother that I'm doing something with my life.

But NOW I have been trying to make some real tangible changes. I have a morning routine. I've been biking to the library every day to study for an online math course. The act of biking itself is incredibly hard on my overweight legs and the first assignment came back and I got a 60%.

Someone asked if they could sit next to me because "I look focused". I was trying my damn best not to tear up when they said that. People have always said I look "scary" so this was extremely cathartic.

Yes, it's not going great but I'm doing far better than before. I know what I did wrong on that assignment and I'm aiming for a 70% the next one. I know I can do this.

The important part is that I'm still relapsing. When the course gets tough and the concepts start to confuse me porn is my fallback. That's stopping today. If I play my cards right I could completely restructure the way I look at life. I just need to stop. Looking. At. Porn.

I've deleted all my social media and blocked most of my degenerate gaming groups. In a few hours I will also being doing a comprehensive IQ test to determine if I'm intelligent enough for programming (at least 1 SD above the mean). If I'm not, that is not an issue. I will apply myself to another domain but I just want to ensure that I am not wasting my time.

If you read this far, I thank you and I hope you have an excellent day.