Hello from Spain! I've seen your story from YBOP, and it's interesting. That's right, the PMO is quite damaging on a psychological level. In my case I had a suicide attempt because I was sorry for a fact I did because of this shit. Thank God that didn't happen. Celebrate your Christmas Eve with your family, and enjoy your achievement of reaching many days of abstinence. Have a good time, and a happy Christmas. Greetings! Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)