PIED Concern

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by muterabbit, Mar 21, 2018.

  1. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    I’m 33, and up until about a month ago, I had been regularly looking at porn and jacking off, sometimes multiple times a day. Last October, I became aware of my partial impotence when I tried to have sex for the first time with my ex. Anyway, after not being involved with porn or masturbation for more than a month, I still seem to get slightly less hard than I would imagine a rubber dildo would be. I might be able to make something happen with the help of a cock ring and lube, but I’m worried that I may never get rock hard again. Has anyone here with ED eventually gotten proper erections again by doing NoFap? How long did it take?
     
  2. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    First I should say, that I can't speak from my own experience since my personal best is only 16 days and I also never had sex before. So from that perspective, I'm probably not the best person to talk about it. On the other hand, I have PIED as well, at least as far as I can tell without any sexual encounters (I can't get it up without porn, no chance).

    That said, I can tell you, that many guys here cured their PIED by quitting porn and masturbation. Some told me, they got their erections back after ~3-4 months, others however said it took them up to a year. So it is very different for everyone, probably depended on how severe your addiction is in the first place. Would make sense to me.

    This phrase often is part of a flatline. In that period of time, you apparently feel like your dick is never going to work again. I never experienced a flatline myself either, so I can't confirm that.

    So bottom line is: Many guys cured their ED and you will too. Just stick to your streak. Perserverance is key.
     
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  3. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the reassurance. A year would be brutal, but I’ve got a feeling that’s how long I’d have to wait for normal erections to return. I think I’ve experienced a couple of flatlines. Basically your dick just doesn’t do anything at all, even in situations when it normally would do something. They’re not permanent, though, and I kind of think of them as flat areas on a mountain, where you can rest on your way to the summit. No sexual tension to deal with, so you feel nice and chill.

    Something I wonder about is if it’s still possible to reboot, even if you are sexually active with partners. I’d hate to have to not date for an entire year. I mean I managed to get by without it for at least 20 years, but I also had PM to fall back on during that time. Additionally, I’ve been doing A LOT of research about women, flirting, and dating. I’d hate to forget some of what I learned and get rusty about my understanding of it over the course of a year.
     
  4. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    Of course. Some actually say, that it is benefitial for the reboot to rewire to real women. But again, I can't speak from own experiences obviously.
     
  5. Rads98

    Rads98 New Fapstronaut

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    Hola amigos, actualmente llevo 12 días sin PMO y veo que mis erecciones matutinas han incrementado considerablemente. Hace una semana tuve sexo real y no me fue muy bien, este fin de semana tengo una nueva cita y espero que me vaya mucho mejor. ¿Es recomendable tener sexo en el reinicio o me abstengo?
     
  6. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    Translation from Google:

    Hi friends, I have been without PMO for 12 days now and I see that my morning erections have increased considerably. A week ago I had real sex and it did not go very well, this weekend I have a new date and I hope it goes much better. Is it advisable to have sex on the restart or do I abstain?

    Well that’s good to hear. Hang in there, man. I know it’s tough to not know what sex is like. Well, because of the condoms I used, I’m kind of still in the same boat. When you do get to that point, be sure to avoid standard condoms and use the “sensitive” ones. I’m still kicking myself about that.

    Also, I’ll share a bit about what I’ve learned about women to give you a leg up. Women aren’t ready to go right out of the gate like we are, they have to be warmed up first. You have to start an interaction (start talking to them), spark attraction (make them smile/laugh), form a connection (start to figure out who she is and let her know who you are), and take it to the next level (get her phone number, or set up a date, or kiss her if she looks like she wants to be kissed). Signs she may want to be kissed are biting her lip, playing with her hair, or looking down. Supposedly you can test it by repeatedly looking at her lips and seeing if she does the same, and generally they like to be alone with you when it happens, because a lot of them are afraid they’ll be judged by onlookers.

    Flirting is way simpler than I would’ve imagined. It’s pretty close to normal conversation, except you look into her eyes and smile, give her compliments about what she’s wearing or doing (personality-based, not looks-based), and you try to break the touch barrier while she’s into the conversation (light touch on the shoulder, elbow, forearm, or a hug). A handshake is another option, but I feel like that’s a little too formal.

    Above all, try to make all of this natural, not formulaic. You want to be genuine with women, not fake. We may tend to be visual and desire a physical connection, but they’re generally open-type and desire an emotional connection. The anxiety of approaching women can be greatly reduced by remembering what they want and starting slow by connecting with them as people first. Just have fun talking to her, but keep an eye out for signs of her attraction and go from there.

    General signs of attraction would be her facing you, making eye contact, smiling, laughing at your dumbest jokes, trying to maintain physical closeness, sometimes by making up flimsy excuses to be near you, and my ex even walked right up and hugged me a few times out of the blue before she finally told me on Facebook that she liked me. Biting her lip, playing with her hair, looking down, of course.

    For kissing, start with just basic, innocent kissing before you make out or French. If you want to French with her, give her just the very tip of your tongue at first and just touch whichever one of her lips is in your mouth with it, then see how she responds and go from there. Women love to be touched and kissed along their necks, so give that area a lot of attention to get her in the mood.

    If she has her hands all over you while you’re making out, take it as an invitation to start touching her more intimate areas, because it’s a sign she’s horny. Start over her clothes, never under, and be gentle. If you feel like it might be time to get a room, never talk about it directly. Just say something like “Hey, let’s get out of here” if you’re out or “Hey, let’s hang out in my room (or your room)” if you’re not out.

    Don’t go straight into sex when you’re in that private space, just continue making out, petting and talking while gradually peeling off the clothes, yours and hers. Start into foreplay to get her warmed up some more. Wait for her to “invite you in”, so you’re sure she’s ready and consenting. Failing that, I suppose you could pay attention to what she’s doing, like maybe repeatedly looking at your dick and/or touching it. Not sure, since my ex made it easy for me and “invited me in”.

    Stay out of the friend zone by flirting right from the beginning. If they don’t know you’re interested like that in the beginning, they’ll just put you into their friendship file. If you don’t make your intentions clear, you’ll be seen as a nice guy at best, a creepy guy/stalker at worst.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2018
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  7. jorg78

    jorg78 Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate, do the reboot and you will be rock hard again when having sex. I started to have better erections when I reached 60 days. Now, I'm having rock hard erections.
     
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  8. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    That's actually not even bothering me that much. It's more the fact, that I really would like a girlfriend with who I can share my life. Plus a bit of shame is adding to that as well, since I'm already 20 and still have no experiences in that area at all except a couple of kisses. It just seems like I'm the only one in my social sphere.

    Thanks for your insights. I'm already stuck on step 1. I have no clue how I would go up to a stranger and start talking. What the fuck do you say? I mean, "Hello, I'm XY. How are you doing?" isn't exactly a conversation. What do you say afterwards? Also I'm not a confident person, especially after a relapse (like right now). And since I'm relapsing every week basicially, a lack of confidence is present all the time.

    That's why I would be so happy, if I could finally beat this fucking addiction in order to get a little bit more confident. I know I will. But every single time I fuck it up again.
     
  9. seaguy44

    seaguy44 Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

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    So true! When a girl plays with her hair, I know she’s attracted to me. Very clear sign
     
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  10. Rads98

    Rads98 New Fapstronaut

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    Ah, olvidé mencionar que no me fue muy bien en el sexo porque padezco DE. Ya anteriormente he tenido sexo y el problema era el mismo.
     
  11. present2015

    present2015 Fapstronaut

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    90 dias y despues trata de tener sexo. 12 dias no es nada aunque parezca que todo va funcionar vien.
     
  12. present2015

    present2015 Fapstronaut

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    I'm on day 64. Erections a way better than ever but npt Rock Hard like I would like or imagine they should be. What day are you in?
     
  13. jorg78

    jorg78 Fapstronaut

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    It will be day 220 today
     
  14. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    I can understand that. Truthfully, what I miss most about being with my ex is holding her hand, cuddling, and her hugs. My god, she’s the best hugger I’ve ever met. The kissing and sex were nice, but they just didn’t hold a candle to the really innocent stuff.


    You’re welcome. LOL I’m basically stuck on Step 1 too. From what I understand, you begin by making her smile or making her laugh, like with a compliment or a joke. You can also use playful teasing, which makes them feel like they have a challenge and keeps them from getting bored. However, you have to keep it light and playful. You can never be mean or use a topic they might be sensitive about. From there, you’d ask them open-ended questions about them and listen closely to their responses for further topics to talk about. From what I understand, if you can get a lady talking about something that interests her, she’ll pretty much do most of the work for you.

    Don’t think about beating the addiction, think about what you can do to improve yourself or your life. If you keep your mind occupied with other things, it won’t drift back to porn. Personally, I’ve been beating it by being so focused on becoming a better man that ladies want to be with, my ex in particular. I’ve been playing it casual, giving her lots of space, and keeping myself occupied with other things, but I’ve never stopped missing my ex, and I still want to be with her. Hopefully one day she’ll come back to me. Today I noticed her look over at me with a subtle, coy smile when I walked into work, so I’m feeling hopeful that she’s slowly coming back around.
     
  15. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    Everything of that makes sense and I think I would be able to do that, but my problem starts a step earlier. I mean, you can't walk up to a girl, introduce yourself and start joking, right? Doesn't that come off as weird? I think, if a total stranger came up to me and starts telling jokes and/or ask me questions about myself, I would be a bit creeped out. But maybe I'm totally wrong with this.

    Anyways, I really appreciate your tips, man! I'm giving all I have to break my addiction now and then I will try to find out how girls work^^

    I hope you'll be able to fight your problems as well. Best regards!
     
  16. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    That’s probably true. I’m generally socially awkward, though, so I have trouble picturing how I seem to other people when I’m interacting with them. However, I have seen some Youtube videos where guys demonstrate approaching strange women with flimsy excuses like asking where good local coffee places are and the like. You’ve definitely given me something to think about.

    Anyway, you’re welcome, good luck, and thank you. LOL
     
  17. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    Hey, 37 yo here, heavy compulsive porn user for +17 years... I got PIED from it (no problems getting erection with porn but nearly impossible with real sex partner). I'm in hard mode (no PMO/no sex) for almost 4 months now and I've experienced total flat line during almost entire period (no erections and no libido whatsoever), but after 110 days I'm getting regular very hard morning woods that last to an hour. I still don't get s boner just by being around hot women, but at least I know I have physically recovered form pmo. Rewiring brains to get aroused spontaneously around women will probably take a bit longer.
     
  18. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    nofap is sexlife changing. I wasn't able to have sex, now i'm a great lover.
     
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  19. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    Oh man, you had/have it bad. I never really had trouble getting hard around women, I just got to where my erections weren’t quite hard enough and didn’t last long enough. I always used to hear about morning wood and wet dreams, but I never really experienced either. I mean I’d wake up with maybe a semi-hard on, but never really any raging ones that lasted an hour. I think I’m really looking forward to that. As for something happening when I’m around women, sometimes all it takes is for me to have innocent conversations with them, and I’ll feel myself get hard. It’ll even happen at inappropriate times, like when they’re crying and I’m giving them comforting hugs. Lucky for me, my dick never points out or up when I get hard, it just stays pointing down. Strangely, I’ve found that many times when I’m around smoking hot women, it does nothing, but if I’m around reasonably attractive, average-looking women, it really comes to life. I think I once heard something about how most people tend to be most attracted to partners who are closer to their level of attractiveness, so that might be it. That, or it’s my body being driven by my feelings of intimidation from really hot women.
     
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  20. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    The good thing about being in hard mode is, you become much more attractive to women. I don't know a reason behind it, but I can confirm it form my own experiences. I'm getting invitations to dates on weekly basis lately. One very attractive blonde, who I barely know, invited me to go on two weeks hiking trip with her to Spain. I couldn't refuse :) These kind of things just didn't happen to me before going cold turkey. I also don't get intimidated by beautiful women anymore. I even compliment them on how hot they look. It's funny to see them being embarrassed by a straight forward approach. I wouldn't dare doing that before.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2018

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