Hi everybody that's my 1st post on nofap. So I still have PIED but one month ago I had sex my girl and 1st girlfriend I ever had, but that was the last time until now.. I explain better.. I'm 27 and I have been watching porn and masturbating since I was 11, on the worst hardcore sick shit stuff. 1ST REBOOT When I was 23 I quit porn and I've been in hard mode for almost 2 years. (without any effort. Quitting after a 10 days vipassana retreat) In that period I wasn't interested in porn anymore, like if my mind forget it completely. I tried to watch it just for curiosity and the arousement I used to get was just replaced by a sense of disgust and not interest. AFTER THE 1ST YEAR -I used to feel a little bit sexually attracted by a woman at work -unfortunately I had strong gay fantasies and fantasies of having sex with my neighbour (woman) who was very ugly, though i had erection for these fantasies, both of these things were sick as porn can be cause was more something feticistic. -I had erections fantasising on a girl I dated just couple of times and which I not even ever kissed AFTER 2ND YEAR I got a weak erection just after a girl which i was dating texted me "I need to see you". I felt so warm and a feeling of love that i almost forgot i could feel. the best part is that I felt excited/horny but it was nothing that has to do with the ecitation of porn but I was "horny out of love and happiness" for someone who show interest for me. RELEASED Then I released like an idiot. Probably cause I was depressed, didn't have friends and spent too much time alone with free accessibility to my pc. So after that i started with porn again and for 2 years but initially just with sex chats and nude videos of only women. REBOOT AGAIN On September 2019 I quit porn and that last until now, I enjoyed a meditation community and Ive been engaged with a girl. I started having some weak erection with her, sometimes harder/sometimes nothing. Sometimes I've had sex but with medications. We never really managed to have sex without medications until then but what I learned is that, at least in my case, the more you go into an intimate connection with a girl the more you feel safe and in love with her and this for me was good for having erections (though not enough for having sex) because usually with other occasional girls I didn't feel anything down there.. We broke up for 1 month and when we got together again I started having erections (not full) even only with hugs and.. WE HAD SEX ONCE! after that i continued with having erections everyday with her but until now I didn't managed to have sex anymore and also the erections got weaker. I also realised that erections get weaker because I didn't really like her anymore like I thought. THOUGHTS I just broke with her. However I feel positive about my journey and I guess that for a full and better reboot I need another long period of hard mode before starting to see girls again, since my mistake was trying to have sex straight after having quitted porn by a few days. Thanks for reading and if this post gave you any thoughts you want to share please write them down
Don’t knock yourself, rebuild and move forward. If you felt the relationship was over and you weren’t attracted to her anymore that probably had a big effect on your lack of erection. you are on the right path, and that’s all you can do. Enjoy that you are doing the right thing. I wouldn’t say avoid a relationship, maybe don’t go seeking one, but be social, friendly and if something does blossom, enjoy! I think hard mode where you isolate yourself is very difficult!
