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peeked/vent {warning: sexual stuff]

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by thebankarena, Apr 6, 2022.

  1. Apr 6, 2022 #1
    thebankarena

    thebankarena Fapstronaut

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    i just peeked at some stuff. some of it may have been loli stuff but i just quickly scrolled past it. some of it was maybe cp? one of them was based on a 21 year old woman from a game but i kinda looked weird. im kinda worried. i dont know if im finally desensitized of porn that it doesnt matter if its loli, i still get aroused. Because i kinda saw some weird stuff for like a second and i felt like a little erection from it. even for just a second. but, even if i was peeking, there was this weird thing telling me not to look at the loli stuff. and i just kept telling my self that if i were to masturbate, i will never do it to loli stuff.

    i have no idea if im finally desensitized from so much porn that i will get aroused by loli and stuff. i have no idea if this addiction has made me a pedo. i dont wanna be a pedo. do i? i have no idea. i just feel strangly neutral. i dunno if i dont care, or accepted that im a pedo, or im just desensitized to stuff. i dont wanna have these feelings in my groin when i look at a kid, but i dunno. theres this thing telling me "what if you dont care? what if you are a pedo?" i just cant.

    when ever i look at a kid now, if i feel something, i quickly look away and stuff. now, its not as strong. i dont know if i think its horribly wrong to look at a kid like that, or that i am a pedo and i just dont wanna look like one, or i just dont care or used to being so worried that i just dont care as much.

    no idea. is this normal? how can i deal with this? but im gonna try to keep my strength up to not peek because now that im out of the trance of "are you bored? jerk off!", im kinda got a grip.

    sorry if some of my wording doesn't make sense.
     
    thebankarena, Apr 6, 2022
    thebankarena, Apr 6, 2022
    #1
  2. Apr 7, 2022 #2
    Insecureandbroken

    Insecureandbroken Fapstronaut

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    I came across this forum yesterday and looked at it out of curiosity. I wasn't expecting your post to be related to this or I wouldn't have read it. I had to come back to comment on this because it was bothering me. First of all, It IS horribly wrong to look at a child like that. Don't pretend like you don't know that. Please get help asap. You know that is wrong, so please stop. What you're talking about is evil and disgusting. Think of the absolute fear and pain a child like that is going through. The child does not know love and will be affected by this for life. You're watching the video, but that child is experiencing that in real life. Please let that set in.

    Honestly, if you think you're going down that path, go get some help with a therapist. They can help you understand whatever is going on internally for you. And obviously work harder towards stopping p, it's completely affecting your morals. Pedophiles are the scum of the earth and do not belong in society. Do not let yourself become that. Get help.
     
    Insecureandbroken, Apr 7, 2022
    Insecureandbroken, Apr 7, 2022
    #2
    Bryce97 likes this.
  3. Apr 7, 2022 #3
    sh0gun

    sh0gun Fapstronaut

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    I'd highly recommend you seek out therapy, this is a path you do not want to go down. Porn has messed up your mind so much you are on the verge of the point of no return. But don't give up hope, there's still a chance you can turn this around.
     
    sh0gun, Apr 7, 2022
    sh0gun, Apr 7, 2022
    #3
  4. Apr 7, 2022 #4
    Do all to the glory of God

    Do all to the glory of God Fapstronaut

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    I don't even know what "loli" is...I checked and it's not in my dictionary, either. But I do know that if you really want to change, you can. The key to changing your desires is to first change your thoughts. Please consult the tips linked in my signature for some practical ideas for getting started.

    Your desires will naturally follow your thought habits, and your thought habits can change if you will immediately cease to think about something bad as soon as it enters your mind. If you don't let yourself even think about it, your desires and actions will change. This will take some time to develop your new thought habits, so don't give up if you still have bad thoughts after a few weeks of persistently avoiding them. It does take a little effort at first--a little vigilance over your thoughts.

    But you can do it if you put your mind to it!
     
    Do all to the glory of God, Apr 7, 2022
    Do all to the glory of God, Apr 7, 2022
    #4
  5. Apr 7, 2022 #5
    thebankarena

    thebankarena Fapstronaut

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    well it wasnt real, it was drawn but still its fucked up
     
    thebankarena, Apr 7, 2022
    thebankarena, Apr 7, 2022
    #5
  6. Apr 7, 2022 #6
    thebankarena

    thebankarena Fapstronaut

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    also, after thinking, i might talk to the school counselor about this shit. your right. i dont know if they are trained to deal with addiction, but i just wanna start somewhere. your just right. thanks. i just wanna put my foot down and say fuck it because its for the better.
     
    thebankarena, Apr 7, 2022
    thebankarena, Apr 7, 2022
    #6
  7. Apr 7, 2022 #7
    thebankarena

    thebankarena Fapstronaut

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    wait, never mind. i read my post again and i get it. its still fucked up
     
    thebankarena, Apr 7, 2022
    thebankarena, Apr 7, 2022
    #7

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