OverThinking

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by RisingTrojen, Jun 13, 2019.

  1. RisingTrojen

    RisingTrojen Fapstronaut

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    I had a 17 day steak .At this time i had a boost in my emotion's which lead to overthinking,I couldn't control them so i relapsed thinking it would change things.But worst happens This overthinking has started to take my life i can`t study for my university exam which is tomorrow.Can someone help me what should i do??
    Also i dont have a real friend its because i think too much and create problem.
     
  2. NewGeorge

    NewGeorge Fapstronaut

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    Meditation is highly recommended, since it will calm down your thoughts a little. Usually overthinking leads you to thinking bad things and being pessimistic in general. A boost in confidence is what you need, specially in the domain you overthink (women, studying, working etc.). Any sort of intense physical activity will help reduce this stress.

    Also, try not to "anticipate" outcome of certain events. Usually these look much worse just in our heads. In reality it's never the end of the world, so just do it and be ready to face the consequences(but don't be careless).
     
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  3. nickpasta

    nickpasta Fapstronaut

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    most of the time overthinking has something to do with what is around you.
    part of your thoughts are somehow coming from an outside source and your mind start dwelling about it.

    what help me with the "Overthinking" period of my life was to accept the fact that i have this thoughts. good or bad thoughts are words. YOU can decide to be overpowered by words or not.
    once realized it i listen what my mind was saying and let it go.

    Another good think is to move yourself. are you overthinking? Take a stroll. Look around you. Is it raining? Do some push ups. Are you too tired? read a good book. Simply make a move.

    hope to have been a little helpfull
     
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  4. therealboyka

    therealboyka Fapstronaut

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    i have the same problem
     
  5. Trolimp2xm

    Trolimp2xm Fapstronaut

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    Reading the comments is super helpful as someone who struggles with loneliness as well. Stay strong dude. I am learning to love my own accompany and thankful for each time I'm lonely instead of being out there and getting in trouble. I am looking at the bright side and it really helps sometimes.
     
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  6. Ka1ros

    Ka1ros Fapstronaut

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    I'm pretty sure you thought a lot about this post and what you were going to write and anticipated/feared what the reactions will be, and yet you found the courage to be vulnerable and talk about your struggles, so good for you and also 17 days overcoming an addiction it is not easy. So see the positive in that too.
    back to overthinking, I do that too by the way but they are just brain speculations out of fear like your brain calculations wouldn't have anticipated what the 4 guys before me wrote, or what I'm writing right now. but they must have happened. and they are supposed to happen we should think about things but the problem is when we got consumed in our mental processes, and take every detail that happens to our life too seriously, like we should not miss any detail to avoid being not good or perfect or not approved off...

    as mentioned previously, meditation can help because it 's about just observing the patterns of our mind without having judgment, I myself try to develop a sense of humor and laugh whenever I realize how obsessive I'm about some small insignificant details of a past convo or what am I going to say to a distant relative I'm seeing tomorrow...

    overthinking just mean you care deeply about stuff, which is a good thing but life is happening with you or without you, you gotta find it in you the power to participate in it, which you are doing already, you are studying in university and perhaps engaged in other social activities.
    Maybe something that can help with overthinking is to find ways to measure the outcome desired objectively like with UNI: the grades, NOfap: your streak, pushups how many sets of 10 you can do.. etc and focus on improving yourself slowly with measurable goals.

    but with people, I'm a lone wolf too, so I got nothing maybe drop the "REAL" friends perspective, look just for people you share same interests with, or enjoy (or just tolerate :) ) time with them. just avoid people who take advantage of you or abuse you.

    Growth is not easy, be proud of every effort, and be grateful for everything good happens in your life.

    good luck with your exam.
     
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  7. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Overthinking is basically a fear of being uncertain.

    There's no guarantee that something will happen in your favor. So you try to think your way out of ever experiencing pain, problems, and negative experiences. To make predictions to prepare yourself. Because you have a belief that you can't handle whatever happens. A belief that you can control things outside your ability to control. A belief that you aren't supposed to fail, make mistakes, get rejected, or have anything go wrong in your life.

    Your overthinking more often than not becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It leads to self sabotage.

    Each time you overthink you reinforce the belief that you can't handle whatever happens. You compensate by doubling down and overthinking even more. You'll continue to spiral downwards like this until you let go, do your current best, allow the situation to unfold however it unfolds, and learn how to deal with whatever circumstances are thrown your way.
     
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  8. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Now that's a fantastically accurate description! Cheers mate
     
  9. RisingTrojen

    RisingTrojen Fapstronaut

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    ya what you said is exactly correct.I have been faceing some trust issues with friends.Iam scared what would happen if everyone turn against me.no one is talking to me about anything.
    I tried meditation it really helped but i would loose control again.The problem is that I always tried to get involved in something but i will loose concentration withing 10 minutes and start thinking.I wish i had more concentration.
     
  10. Sinbad

    Sinbad Fapstronaut

    Overthinking can be very damaging to me too. It always happens when I'm tired. In the evening, at night.

    What I do to battle it, is repeating kind words and sentences, a prayer or affirmation, over and over again. Until I forget all about my worries or fall asleep.

    Overthinking doesn't help. It always makes me feel worse. I try to replace that negative stream of thoughts with a good prayer or encouraging sentence. And keep that in the background while doing the things I must do.

    I used to get thoughts about the past at random times during the day. I've tried to find meaning in that and follow this stream of thoughts. But it always does more bad than good. And just makes this overthinking come back again day after day. Compulsive praying is truely a savior against that.

    1. Find a prayer or affirmation you really like. One that speaks to you personally.
    2. Learn it by hearth, from your head.
    3. When bad thoughts come up, start repeating your prayer.
    4. And those bad thoughts will go away.
    The
    [​IMG]
    helps me with this every day.
     
  11. Ka1ros

    Ka1ros Fapstronaut

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    Meditation is not really about reaching a perfect state when you are so present with no distraction. the process is about: trying to be present by focusing on your breath, then your mind wander because that's what it does, but then you just notice it, accept it without judgment and you go back to focus on your breathing. If you are just starting it's going to be annoying and tiresome because your mind will be all over the place but it's okay what is important is to go back to the breathing whenever you notice yourself getting distracted, you accept the fact that your mind wandered and you go back to breathing..., you get distracted -something was not anticipated so deemed undesirable happen - but instead of being stuck on the bad, you go back to your original goal which is focusing on your breath.
    be consistent with your practice even if it's just 10minutes /day and you are going to see some improvement.
     
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  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Here's a different way of saying it.

    Stress and worry lowers testosterone. Raising your cortisol levels.

    When you're "bitching" about your problems... you're literally turning into a little bitch. As in, you're conditioning yourself to complain more and to create a strong imbalance in your overall well being. You become weaker to handle those problems and you continue to worry about them more over time. It becomes a downwards spiral.
     
  13. therealboyka

    therealboyka Fapstronaut

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    true but what is the solution?
     
  14. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

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    Stoicism. Gratitude. Forgiveness. Acceptance. Positivity, basically.
     
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  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Do your best, don't make assumptions, and face whatever happens whether it's a positive or a negative experience.

    Worrying is just wasted energy trying to prepare yourself due to the assumption that you're going to get hurt and that you can't handle it.

    It's like being afraid of static shock. Every time you reach for a door knob you hesitate, procrastinate, worry, and ultimately try to open each door knob in a half assed manner all because you think you're going to get shocked... and even if you do get shocked you don't think you can handle it. That mindset and approach permeates to all areas of your life. It's exhausting and unproductive. Rather than just experiencing whatever happens and growing stronger to deal with them.

    Same goes if you worry a lot about interacting with women. If you go into every interaction with the mindset of "I hope it works this time... I hope nothing bad happens... fuck, what if I make a mistake?"... you will create a self fulfilling prophecy by sabotaging every interaction.

    Overthinking is basically trying to attain instant gratification comfort, but that short term comfort eventually becomes a long term discomfort (unable to function due to chronic worrying). Whereas sacrificing short term emotions (facing things outside your current level of competence, confidence, and experience level) leads to better long term outcomes (learning to deal with various circumstances without trying to brace yourself hesitantly each time).
     
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  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Via trying to make predictions about the future so that you don't ever experience pain, problems, or negative experience.

    You're basically trying to find certainty and comfort within the uncertainty of life that doesn't offer any guarantees.
     
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  17. Kiz Whalifa

    Kiz Whalifa Fapstronaut

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    Extremely insightful, as always.
     
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  18. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    I've overthought a lot about overthinking ;)
     
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  19. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    I think many times we confuse complaining with emotional release; complaining is the interpretation we give to the emotion, and in that sense I agree with you that it will only become a compulsive behaviour.

    Emotional release on the other hand is the antidote to bitching, but one needs to learn to do it in a healthy way. And we're not really taught this, I gather we're probably one of the first generations to really have the problem of widespread emotional immaturity, due to the proliferation of the nuclear family.
     

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