Overthinking sex: erection loss & anxiety in sexual situations

Sounds like performance anxiety. Relatively normal, but you need to understand where it comes from. What is it you are bothered about? What do you think made to worry about that?

 

I've felt this many times, but I honestly think it started because of PMO, (I know that only now because of how much I've read). When I first got laid, I was 21 and sex scared me, but my dick worked the first time, and times after that, (with the same girl, my girlfriend at the time). If there was EVER a time that I should've had, Performance Anxiety, it shoulda been then, but it never happened. Around that age, I started to MO, but nothing crazy. Fast forward about 22 years, and things have gotten 10 times worse. (PIED). I'm sure my PA was due only to the fact of PMOing. I'm gonna reboot and rewire. Recover all those lost years to PMO. I know how you feel, brother. I will only find out with the passage of time and when I try once again to be with a girl after I'm healed.

 

I am not saying i am great at this kind of thing, but i just wanted to reflect this message back to you.

Your first sexual encounter, i think, should be purely a chance to get to know each other. Go with the flow don't plan it. When you mention things like power play, then i think you are setting yourself up to have problems. Real sex is not like that, maybe of you have been with someone for a while then you may want to try things, but that is only with a long term partner.

I firmly believe that you should only go into a relationship to give. If you expect anything back, you will probably be disappointed. I am not saying stay in a crap relationship, of you are not happy you must move on, but if you EXPECT something, and you haven't said specifically, how are they going to know what you want. And when they don't provide that you will be disappointed and frustrated.

Try reboot, stop looking at porn. Power play is, I suspect, a porn induced fetish.

 

Hi, I have problems similar to yours. Actually, this sentence

Perfectly resemble my situation.
I had three GFs during the last 10 years, all long relationships. I was virgin and 19 yo at that time, but was all fine:never had a ED. I had been masturbating since 12 yo I think, but I had access to fast internet only at the university, so about the time when I met my first GF.
But with the second, four years later, totally different story. A lot of ED. First attempt was a total failure. I had been using P, and I think it was part of the problem, but not all of it. I spoke with my doctor and he said "do you really like her?" guess what... Not so much.
Then my last GF, been together 2 years, and she broke up with me 2 months ago. Rarely had a problem during sex. I really loved her, and we had great intimacy. Still, I was not quite the same as 10 years before. Always needed a physical stimulus to have an erection, and sometimes was not so easy to keep it up. Condom were a problem, and some positions were not stimulating enough.

So, my point is, P can be an issue, but also your mind. I really loved her, so I was always enjoying her beauty, calm and grateful. A GF shouldn't be someone that make you nervous.

I hope myself to find a GF like that again. Meanwhile, I m working on my PIED. That I can do. That you should do.
And maybe, talk to your GF, get an higher level of intimacy.

If that doesn't work, or you think it does not apply to your case, ask for professional help. Nothing to be ashamed about it.

 

Just to clarify: I thinks is perfectly normal and fine to be nervous when you start dating someone, or when you sleep together the first time. But in the long ride this anxiety should fade away.

I think you get the picture.

Another example: with my second GF, many times I had to lay down with her, cuddle a few minutes, just to relax myself enough to get an erection. Things improved during our relationship, but I still remember the best sex we ever had: I was pretty drunk, totally uninhibited, no thought like "I have to last, I have to pleasure her, I have to keep going longer". I just did what I feel to do, and it was awesome (for her too, I must say).

I'll follow your thread, we have a really similar situation.
Do not give up!