Order is Required

Years go by, trapped in a perpetual cycle. For it is said when you know better, you must do better. But if you know, why can’t you do? Is it as easy as 123? Sitting in an apple tree, I ponder. Feeling shame and disgust for yet another self betrayal. This time was supposed to be different… so what happened? What will it take?

Well, it takes order. It takes direction. It takes purpose, and it takes focus. You see, it’s not as easy as 123. A burning desire for better in one moment in time will quickly fade away, if there is no order. This escapism, this pacification, self soothing, distraction, it’s all you know. It is your default. It’s the thumb in your mouth, at the first sign of discomfort. Poor baby.

The pain and discomfort presents itself in a million little ways. It can be as simple as boredom. It can be an emotional trauma, big or small. It can be a lack of sleep, or hunger. What you should ask yourself is, what is the appropriate response? You see, it takes awareness. It takes a level mind. But how does the excessive stimulation and distraction affect your state of mind? You know, the YouTube, the video games, the music, the social media and texting. If there is no restriction on this, how can there be restriction elsewhere? How can you maintain the awareness needed to take every thought of relapse captive? Well, you may get away with it for a while. Maybe a few days, maybe a week, a month, or a little more. But eventually you end up back where you started.

These habits are all interconnected. You cannot address one problem without addressing the other. It is the very state of being which seeks to soothe via the internet distraction, that also seeks to soothe via pmo. A distracted mind is a weak one.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know how to do it. I just know the only way to do this once and for all is to create order in my life. And so, just knowing this is not enough. Procrastination is a terminal illness with no cure. That is, if you don’t end it now, it will continue up until your death. “Pay careful attention, then, to how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”