One month down, one lifetime to go.

So here I am. Over 30 days no porn, no servicing myself. I can't say that didn't think I would make it this far. But I will say that it has been more difficult than I thought it would be. But it has never been unmanageable. I've used breathing and meditation (amateur meditation-I still don't really know what I am doing) and self motivation. The NoFap app has really been helpful. Everyone reading this that i serious about being free from addiction should use the app.
Its not any easier being married and having a partner, IMO, because 1) I have experienced the chaser effect after sex and 2) because I'm not releasing myself by myself I am going to her way more often and she sort of feels overwhelmed by the attention. I am an addict, and because I am an addict I have acted very unbecoming towards her. So I am going Hard Mode from today until after her next period in 3 weeks at least. We might go the whole 90. I don't know.
I have resolved myself to never again waste my vitality on such a fruitless endeavor such is masturbating. At this time in life I desire strength of will and discipline. Being addicted to porn and masturbation, or being addicted to anything, is throwing all of your opportunities away. We all only have so much time. Let us not waste it. Let us not waste our will.

 

I appreciate your support. I am so glad that there is such a community.
I work in an office as the only male among 14 women. And I could see myself having sex with 4-6 of them, depending on how much alcohol was involved. People (well men) like to say that all men do is think about sex all day long and its normal to do so. I just don't think I believe that. I know that I think about sex most of the day, especially at the office, but I wonder how much of that is from me conditioning my brain through porn and masturbation. If I did not have images of naked women and men banging them floating around in my mind, would I be mentally undressing my coworkers and fantasizing about them. Maybe still a little, I don't know. One of the reasons that I have embarked on the NoFap journey is to re-humanize all women. I have two little girls and I would not want any man to treat them as objects. So why would I do the same to another man's little girl?

 

Well, I made it 45 days and then I didn't want to fight it anymore. I M'ed and O'ed. No P. P isn't as much of a problem for me. Anyway, I got humbled. For a little while there I actually thought that I had this thing whooped and then I caved. And then I relapsed. I did once a day that weekend. Its been over a week now. And I think I've learned my lesson about trying to go hard mode. We shall see.