Hi guys, me name is CleanMan and I'm here to fight the war, the war on porn. Let me explain my situation a bit. I am a Christian so for me this is not only a personal goal to try to improve my life physically but also spiritually and mentally. For me it is a sin to watch porn and masturbate, yet I do, since I'm an addict. I lead such a double life, cool, put together, confident teen to all who know me. PMO at night or whenever nobodies around. I go to a strict conservative christian boarding school nine months a year for three month terms with one month vacation. The school internet policy makes it difficult to access porn or erotic material, sure there are ways to get around it but I do not try, even thought they block some fun things such as Youtube, I still take it as a blessing that they make it hard for me to watch porn. Really when I am at school, porn and masturbation are really not a big struggle for me, its almost like for those nine months I am not really a porn addict, I masturbate occasionally but it is not that bad. The vacation months are a hell of porn and masturbating though... It started almost two years ago, April 2014, I was alone at home. I had heard already seen porn, and masturbated like twice as a young kid. But literally nothing came of that, ( lol see what I did there?) Things changed this April though, I was on a vacation at home from my boarding school, with nothing to do. And I thought, why not push the boundaries, see what I can do with this. It got worse when I started lying to myself, "I can control this, I can stop whenever I want to" such a an idiot. Up until that point in my life I had never truly done something I really regretted. I heard adults talk about regret and never understood, now I do, I shall forever look back unto that April and ask "why?". If you think you can start and not stop, If you think you have control over the porn addiction there is actually no bigger lie you could tell yourself! All it took was one second of lying to myself to screw up two years and counting I suppose. I have faced the grim truth that this shall be with me for the rest of my life, that in my ignorance I made myself an unwilling slave, it was a free decision as well, such an idiot... Now I'm here though, I have been fighting porn since June 2015, had long streaks and short streaks, figured this site might help me in my little crusade, so here goes.
Welcome brother! You are at the right place. We are here to support you. Check out these golden posts that will help you on your crusade! Stay strong! Win! http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-top-tips-for-leaving-pmo-behind.35201/ http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/1-solution-to-quit-pmo-permanently.53680/ http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/newbies-faq.49575/
Welcome Friend! You are not alone in this and by far not the only one or the last which will experience that. Porn is like a plague covering the whole earth and gradually darkening our sight and as you said making us slaves. But it doesn't have to be that way and you are the master of your soul and of fate. Don't tell yourself that you can't change anymore! Especially as a Christian you should know that mercy and change is available to everybody regardless of what they did in the past! This is the right palce for you! Good luck!
Hey guys, thanks for the wonderful support so far Just like to report that day two went well with little to no temptation. It was easier as I was hanging out at the beach with my friend. Hopefully tomorrow will be as easy, however I should prepare for the worst. The hardest time for me is in the night so I should probably go to bed soon. If there any Christians out there who would like to contact me so we can pray for each other please do so. Thank you!
