On the wrong path

It feels wrong to preach when I am fallen myself, but it is one small step at a time. Take a deep breath, and lift your heart and soul and mind and body to the Lord. Submit to His yoke. This is always the first small (giant) step in climbing out of the pit-grasping His hand.
Sancte Michael Archangeli, defende nos in proelio.

 

I think it is helpful to us to think about the question, "Why should I pray?". It's may sound selfish but perhaps it is healthy to ask, What do I get out of it?

If we love someone, we want to be with them and we want to talk to them. I don't think we can make ourselves love someone by simply saying - it is the right thing to do. I think we have to consider what makes another worth loving. What makes God worth loving? Personally, I'd say the answer to this question is everywhere I look, everywhere I go, every molecule of air that I breath, my very existence.

Having said that, there is a further level to loving God and others. Despite loving God with all of our hearts, there will be times we don't feel the passion of the father's love in our hearts but God makes these moments for us too. At such times, He is gently teaching us unconditional love. We can reach a level of love where we don't need God to do something special for us, for us to love Him. Doesn't God love us in this way too? When we sin, He doesn't stop loving us and He doesn't forget about us. I believe when we obtain a level where we can pray to God, out of love for Him, even when we don't feel like it, we are coming a step closer to the quality of love He wants us to experience.

 

My answer to that question is a selfish one: I should pray because I don't want to live like an animal in human body with an additional skill to speak. When I skip praying - let's say many hours or even a whole day (the reason is almost always my lazy bone nature) then I start being nervous, anxious, angry, distracted, I feel temptations, I tend to get more and more mean and impatient etc. I feel distinctly that I'm becoming .... a wild animal with all its instincts.

 

Great point. "I don't want to live like an animal in a human body". Wise words, thank you for giving me this thought.

 

I love those times when I pray and I am gifted with some new insight into the words I am saying, a new and deeper meaning. I admit, I love the Blessed Virgin deeply. I enjoy spending time in her company and I am forever grateful for the incredible help she has advocated for me. So, my latest consideration - "Hail Mary, full of grace" how amazing to be completely full of grace! What a lovely and pure soul she was on earth. I am sure that she gave the apostles encouragement when they were in fear for their lives. I am sure she espoused nothing but love, even for Christ's torturers. She truly is the mother of our church.

Anyway. Sorry for rambling, I am just brimming with this new bit of insight that I was given through prayer lately. What about you? Can you recognize any new insights you have been given through prayer?

 

Recently, I heard a priest say that when we pray, the Holy Spirit has prompted us to do so. It is not our own initiative. In the same vein, he also said that when we go to Confession, we generally feel it is us asking God to forgive us for our sins and to give us another chance, but actually it is God calling us saying, give my grace another chance, give my love another chance. What a beautiful and inspirational thought!

 

I can't advise you for or against. Its a big decision but if you use the beautiful intellect God gave you to fully consider the pros and cons of the idea while praying for the grace to make the best choice, it will work out for you. However, be patient with the process and with yourself. The positive impact of such big decisions takes time to unfold in our lives but when done under the will of God, they will work out well for you.