Okay here goes..

Seems like in my life the only people that were against porn or masturbation were religious quacks. It started out for me like everyone else in my age range with dirty magazines or vhs tapes. In those days I wasn't jerking off every day, didn't have as much trouble talking to strangers and girls. If I had continued like that, I don't think I'd be so bad.

The internet changed things, though and made it very easy to get a quick wank in, whenever you felt the least bit bad, or wanted some dopamine.

Dopamine is the thing.. When I recently found out what I was doing to myself, it was the explanation of how dopamine works that finally swayed me. A you tube video on a channel called "Improvement Pill" is what actually brought me here.

I've been jerking off to porn for probably 10 years straight with the internet, probably a few times a day on average. It just seemed easier than dealing with women.

But the few times I've gotten a women, since then, I've progressively gotten worse Erectile Dysfunction. I'm basically afraid to try to be with a woman now because this will definitely be a problem.

This was my initial plan. Just ease off. Maybe only jerk off (with porn) once a week and you'll slowly start to become more normal, and even eventually not have to jerk off weekly. I read more about the porn factor, and I've also read in the past about "healthy masturbation". Since I'm not getting laid anyway I might want to eventually do the PMO program for a bit, but maybe I should ease into it more for the time being. I can see why the fastest reeboot would be obtained from just following the program, but I don't want to just be all or nothing and give up either. I'm not going to guilt trip myself every time I jerk off either.

It started off fairly easy. The first week, once, in the middle of the week I jerked off without porn, and thought about my co workers.. This is not the "healthy masturbation" that I read about though. You're not supposed to not think about anything except how your genitals feel. Nothing about sex or girls at all.. Still though, that was a hell of an improvement compared to how I usually am. It's already easier to talk to pretty girls and other co workers. I feel more manly pretty much..

Now though, it's actually getting difficult. I thought, "this is going to be easy" after that first week, but now I don't know. Sometimes I grab myself now, or have always done it, but only notice it now. I keep literally accidentally thinking of porn related scenarios, before I'm realizing it..

I've turned back to video games as a replacement, and now realize porn is why I stopped gaming as much.. I don't know if video games are that much better, but like I said, it's about the dopamine, not morals. Getting a hard-on when actually with a pretty girl would be great as well..

So, yeah I have to be realistic. I wrote this whole thing, my first post, hoping it would stop me from jerking off right now, but man, this feels more like a physical need than it ever has before. I'm thinking if I try "healthy masturbation" and do it right, I might not orgasm anyway, because I'm so messed up. I think it might help though. Even those indian shaman who remain celibate, have ritual ways of masturbating that they apparently must do.

I have to keep in mind about the dopamine. It's like a cocaine party every night I do this to myself. A party that makes me love people less..

 

I'm trying to find stuff on the internet about it again, but can't seem to. It involves not thinking about porn or memories when you masterbate. You only think about the present, and the feeling on your genitals only.