I'm learning from this book to do better. It says do something new get something different. Do the same get the same. Makes sense to me. I got two pairs of shoes off New Balance for $45 each. Marked down from $80 for the Cyber Monday/black friday sale. So cool. My only pair I use for running and going out was $180. It's still only marked down to like 160$ the 990v5's are one of the flagship shoes so I guess no sale . I'm down for some cheaper stuff though shoot I want to save money and be frugal like my mom. But I gotta join that sports team like Babe. She's trying out for a good sports team for swimming . They swam over two miles last practice. That's hardcore 0_0. I just rowed about 30 minutes on this rower that my mom for used for $80 it sells for 300 on walmart. That's pretty sweet. The thing is basically new. The lady used it no more than a few hours before selling it. =] Plus mom paid for it picked it up and dropped it off at my door so it was essentailly free for me haha. Thanks mom <3 Can't wait to increase cardio! Tomorrow I'll do lower and yoga. Then it's time for my first day of this one month black friday special membership at the MMA academy. May it go well.
I was told by a martial arts teacher in Japan that over the long term it can be dangerous to punch with the knuckles of the ring finger and pinky, due to them being connected with certain internal organs.
Day 65 Cool, I'm feeling pretty good. Just wanna chill out and watch anime but maybe I'll put in another 15 minutes on study time...IDK. It's tough I wish I had someone to study with or someting. Maybe Kate will be down. I'm....sleepy. Mom bought me a used rower for $80 for xmas. I'm stoked. It doesn't move as swiftly or smoothly as the C2 but it seems to be working in terms of making me feel good and like I got a good workout in. I'd like to row right now but I dunno how much my body can take to be honest. I don't wanna push it too hard. <3 myself I love Cora a lot. I made a new friend today who is really cute and good at Yoga. It was exhilarating. I know I wouldn't leave Cora for anyone though and that Kate is just a friend. Hopefully we'll be good friends. I wouldn't have the courage and strength to go and do yoga if I didn't have Cora in my corner. I love her a lot and I wanna stay with her. Darn now I'm missing her. Gotta distract myself or I'll just writhe as I yearn for her.
The index and middle finger knuckles, due to them not being (directly) connected with any vital organs.
Day 65 having to switch up my routine so I can do the room temp yoga classes. The hot class last night made my body all warm and it was harder to sleep and cool down. Maybe I could balance them out with cold showers athough. That could work. met a cool person there. It’s yoga temple or anime club for finding friends. Hoping to make a good friend.
Day 66 Okay, just urge surfing right now. Like all day the past two days it's been urge surfing but I think it's subsiding some now. I'll eat and watch anime now I suppose. I got two 30 lb dumbbells for black friday. I'm not entirely sure if I want to keep them. I like weight training. Spoiler: Bowel Movement Discussion TMI: But for some reason it makes me constipated. Like my BM's go from maybe 2-3 to 1-2 daily. That's not good I'm not sure I really want to make that sacrifice just to use dumbbells when I'm in plenty good shape from calisthenics alone. I'll have a month to try and decide so we'll see. I've been taking a real shine to the rowing machine. I did 40 minutes today while watching anime. Love that it's great. I think I'll calm down soon. Planning to study as much as I can this week up until saturday when I go visit bae. Study...yeah. Probably go to starbucks for extra motivation to study. It's next to a subway so that's nice to get food and study there all day on the cheap. Other than that I guess it's just about getting through each day. May I study well enough to pass my exam. When I finally pass my exam I'm gonna get myself a C2 concept rower. Aw yea that'll be the bomb. And maybe even get a gym membership. Seems I tried to be done with MMA but MMA isn't done with me. I'll be trying out a month membership at the local place. It's a good one.
Day 66 I think I’ll go to her place Saturday. I wanna get outta the house. Be nice to use her rower too. Man rowing has really started blooming in my life all of a sudden. I was doing it a few months at her place and then I got a rower at home. Now I’m wanting to do it like three days a week. I love cardio haha. so nice to get to do it indoors where I don’t have to be dealing with rain and heat outside like running. I’ll still run tho. It’s good practice. I’m….still feeling like I wanna not do sparring. Just keep on with my shadowbox and read mma books at home. And try to make it work at the yoga studio my 30lb dumbbells arrived. Did some curls and OHP. It was nice I feel like big and strong when I do that. I’ll do some dumbbell deadlift too. that’s enough for now. I think push up and pull-up are doing enough for the front and back. Squat and calf raise and now I’m working on my handstand and hanging knee raise I’m so great full that I get fridays off. Ahh bliss yay
Tiger woods won 15 Majors just 4 short of the all time record. Then he tried to do Navy Seals training and broke his knee. Post-surgery it never worked as well again and he fell short of his goal to break the total Majors record. He hasn't won a Major in several years since the surgery. It seems he won't complete his dream of winning 20 majors. I wonder if he regretted doing that Navy Seals training? Wonder if he could go back would he have passed up on that? Gotten 20 majors and become the GOAT golfer? Or does he sit at home thinking. 'I scratched that itch. It cost me. I'm broken now. But it was worth it. Now I can die content knowing I tried.' Tried to go and be a tough guy . . . I think he would've preferred to have won the 20 masters and come to terms with the itch in the machismo part of his brain. ---- I see Tiger Woods as being someone who had a destiny. Who had, a gift of golf. And Mara the tempter drew him away from that with the power he felt doing that crazy seal training not to mention all the cheating he did on his wife (sorry had to mention it). He broke his knee and lost the gift. He was greedy and asked for more from life than it was prepared to give. Like Ikarus he flew too close to the sun and got burned. Similarly I feel that my gift isn't fighting. Even though I have some talent at it. My gifts are Therapy and Writing. I'm a good athlete, but more as a hobbyist. Not really as more than that. My purpose seems to be to write books and to do therapy for others. I mean look at this crazy journal. I write in it all the time and have to stop myself from writing too much. There are pages that I've written and deleted and re written that never made it to posting. I can't really say that writing will be the 'write' thing for me. haha. But that really does seem to be my gifts. It wasn't to be Buakaw or Michael Phelps 2.0. I'm happy just taking care of myself and going to write on weekdays when I'm done studying. I joined a writing meetup.com group. We'll meet monday online to write together. They meet tomorrow for in person gathering in a large public space. I don't think my agoraphobia's up to the task. I've been pushing all week to expose myself to public spaces two days now. I don't want a third. I want some relax time. I'm letting go of the notion of gym memberships for now. I'll be going to Starbucks regularly on weekdays to study and write. That's what I want to spend time on. It's wildly cost effective if I can resist the urge to buy coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Then it's free! Haha . I'd leave a tip if I get a good vibe from a barista who gives me water or whatever . Only if there's a good vibe tho. Earn that tip with your kindness!!! I figure if I end up caving and buying tea or coffee. That's not the end of the world. Caffeine's a fun drug for the hours it lasts. The crash is heck though. Yep. About 90% of the times I've gone to starbucks I didn't buy caffeine so I should be fine on that front. I can assuage my guilt at not buying things by buying something every other time like their expensive: fruit, sandwiches or cheese sticks. The cheese stick's a good idea. Those are probably the cheapest. ^_^ I'll try my best to make friends through the writers meetup and the anime meetup in my area. The anime meetup near moms is like over an hour drive from me now it's rough Alright man. Love you all. Sorry I couldn't become Bruce Lee 2.0 I know they named me after him. But, no one actually expects me to become him including my parents. They just liked Enter the Dragon or something. heh. I feel like I finally accepted myself in this way. I've fought so hard to win approval, acceptance and respect from others my whole life. Never getting enough. No matter how much I got. Now I guess I can accept myself for what I am: Just a writer and a therapist. yea.
Day 67 lol that last post is gigantic. I love these dragonball pants I got for 9$. Don’t need a lotta money to be happy. Ooo I’m gonna go see if I can get the Naruto ones. Hopefully 15 or less for them. Yeah yayyyyyyy iimmmmmofffff work!!!!!!! And it’s a Friday!!!! Wooooooooo ^_^ Meditate walk Walmart cook Starbucks then anime/books and chill the rest of the day. True bliss and paradise c: Hooray for Zen <3
Day 68 don’t talk about it be about it It not easy to follow that phrase I feel awkward about it. Maybe cause I like to talk heheh I’m focusing on today. I feel cold from being outside too long in cold weather. I’ll take a warm shower soon. Staying at my sos right now. Gonna sleep on the couch tonight. Almost always have bad dreams when I’m in her bed because it’s so hot there. My dads the same way. He’d rather sleep in the cold on the couch than where it’s too hot in the bed. I was hoping I’d get used to it but we’ll just have to wait and see if that happens. Couch tonight is the experiment. I’m a life scientist 0-o I’m gonna go row soon. Looking forward to using the concept rower instead of my janky Walmart one no offense to my rower it’s better than nothing I want some spicy food too. Indian or whatever. Just make it hot. Maybe we can get pho, would be nice on a cold rainy day to get some soup may all beings be happy healthy well and at peace with an extra blessing for all who read this C:
Day 69 I gained good insight this week. I have clear intentions: be in bed by 930 every night, rest Tuesday Friday, no eating out (aside from things she ate before) or sleeping over with Cora, no gym memberships, try out anime+writing meetups near me, that’s it : ) studying is going well and I test December 31 wish me luck if you will C: my long term weekly goals are 7!days no PMO attend Sunday meeting and be in bed by 930 every night. may I check all those boxes.
Ya trying to practice retention as best i can also I sleep like crap when I'm in the bed with her. More on that next post
Day 70 Swami Sivananda . . . Oh how you follow me like a ghost. I think after reading his 'Brahmacharya' book through two times. His spirit is with me forever now urging me towards semen retention and his ascetic yogi way of life. He recommends don't ejaculate, ever. Always sleep in separate beds from your partner (or just be celibate for life). And I've been trying to do both these things for the six months I've dated Cora. But low and behold here I am. More committed than ever to do SR and sleep in bed by myself every night. Cora was cool with it. She's amazingly coming around to my rants and raves about us being together forever. Today she started talking about 'when we move in together we'll...'. That's the first time she said that. I've basically be talking about us being together long term from the start as if it would happen. I just prefer to be an optimist like that. Let's act and talk as if we're gonna be together forever. And if it works then we already have a lotta great plans and ideas worked out. If it doesn't well, some of that material we created together will work out in the next relationship. It will also help to practice active imagination in regards to planning out a future with someone else. Man! Those nofap calls are so quiet. What's up with tha? Shoot Maybe there's some good open ended questions to spark up discussion that'll happen in upcoming calls. May it be so. For me personally. It doesn't even matter. What happens. The calls are working for my PMO streak. So I'll show up and get through it one way or another. Regardless of what happens in them heh. Makes me wanna go to the thursday call. Wonder if that's too often Weekly goals: 7 days no PMO, Go to Sunday meeting, study 5+ hours. P.S. I did a good job of workign out abs today. Bicycle crunches and Hanging L sit were very good. Feels strong. right I changed my schedule to alott for weekend training with rest during the week. This makes the most sense to me. I'll just be needing a little more Mushthi Mudra and a brief walk in the morning to get the juices flowing for the day.
Haha it’s to never ejaculate. I told her that . I think she’s ok with it but will come around to it more over time
Day 70 I also told Cora I wanna do no sleepovers and she was ok with that. I’m making sure not to eat out with her unless it’s more safe. It sucks when she gets upset stomach and we can’t hang . She needs to sleep get to see her Friday. This weekends packed. Friends family and Cora hangs. Gonna get through the week. Just four days Today I feel like staying at my current company. They might not be the best pay or environment, but they get me lots of client. And they’re ok haah. Yea. Most importantly ive struggled a lot with working…blah whenever I talk about it I wanna go work for Jill . So I guess I’ll try. I want her to get her license generalized like mine will be before I move to her co tho of course, then we should be getting plenty of customers as well as a nice pay raise
Good looking out. She said she's okay with it and acts like she is so I'd say it's fine. I can talk with her more about it, but she never like pushes me to come or anything. I've always known Cora to compromise, collaborate and support me in doing anything I want to do as long as it's not harmful.
Day 71 The semen retention!!! I didn't really think it was doing much at first. But I think it's been ten days? I'm much happier. Spoiler: sex Sex is much better. I have a lot more energy. Yay. This is what I wanted forever. SR + Relationship. Not just one or the other. I'm a lot more understanding too. I don't just jump to conclusions that people are criticizing me like I do when I've ejaculated recently. Basically I'm a lot healthier in every way. I really set those boundaries last week with my partner. Like I'm sleeping by myself every night and doing SR forever. And she didn't really mind the SR that much but she seemed to be sad to lose the sleeping together. As we talked more over the next day she's been saying how it's okay and we'll spend more time napping together so we still get to hangout in bed in a sleep-ish way. I don't think the SR is a big deal to her as she hasn't mentioned it since. I'll ask her if that's 100% okay with her with the SR. I had such a nice anime stream tonight joking with my friends Ed and Sora. They're cool beans. Wonder if I'll see them in person sometime that'd be so nice to hang and watch anime and crack jokes in person once in a while. They could come hang with me
