Not sure if I want to continue my relationship

Hi guys,

Just some thoughts here and I hope you guys can understand my situation and maybe give a better view on it as I might be thinking out of emotions too much.

My girl and I are now together 1,5 years and are having a long distance relationship. She is Austrian and I am from the Netherlands. We met abroad 4 years ago and sort of stayed in contact, long story short, we are now together and see eachother every 6-8 weeks for about a week each time.

So we don't see eachother for 8 weeks and when we are together I want to have 1 week of peace of mind and just a good time with her. However, so far it's always been that 50% of the days she is with me she is nagging about minor things. ''You shouldn't eat so much meat'', ''you shouldn't do this'' blabla. And also her ego is massive, that when she does something wrong or breaks something, she ends up blaming me for it. And when I tell her about it, she gets emotional and says, NOT EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS MY FAULT.

She also trains for an ironman ''to prove herself'' and I really notice she is trying to compete with me for whatever reason. Like when I have a busy day and I'm not joining her on her 2 hour bike ride, she says I'm probably gonna stay in bed being lazy. Whilst im running a business and do a part time study next to it?
Also she tries to mirror the amount of effort I put in contacting her. Like I don't care I just send whatever I have to say that day, but I started to notice that she never puts in more effort and also she forgets half the shit I ask her.

These kind of things are noticeable in every aspect of our relationship so far. We have booked a trip to Thailand for the summer, but after that trip she is going to singapore with a friend of her, and she only wants to talk about that trip to singapore, because she is more excited for that trip.

Also, her dad is not a role model I think as he is the one who does the household chores and her mom is the person who sort of works fulltime. I came from a different household where it is the opposite.

To keep things short:
I just don't feel the love anymore for her. She is very lovely as well at times and is in love with me, and I do like her when she is not trying to ''prove herself'' or tries to compete with me. But I don't think she is willing to change, as she has said before to me. So I am sort of thinking, do I end my relationship with her, break her heart and just pay her to rebook her flight to thailand to something else if she wants? Or is this normal shit and you just have to communicate better and show boundaries? But I am already sort of feeling this is never gonna work in the long run.

Hope y'all had the patience to read this, thanks if you did and thanks even more if you want to give me your perspective on it!

Thanks a lot

 

Thanks for your message pal. That's exactly what I am thinking too. Just the gut feeling is not right. I keep feeling we are not meant to be together as we aren't on the same line of what I described, but also in the way we think and do. She often doesn't understand my sarcasm or laughs about my jokes. Don't want to say that I am good in making jokes, but when I align with the right person I can be. My sisters for example always die from laughter, but never made my girlfriend laugh out loud. Only a little smirk with an ''oh haha you're so stupid...''

Thanks for your message, appreciate it a lot.

Nah definitely not. I don't see her having a future with me and having kids together when she has these issues with herself (and indirectly me). All I want is a nice girl who brings me peace and love. Don't need some feministic traits and fucked up power dynamics around my house. I have been very patient with her, but it annoys the fuck out of me that when I ask her to do something, she gives me an attitude. Like when I ask her if she could bring me a glass of water, she immediately responds with: 'Only if you do it next time for me'
I haven't got a problem with bringing her a glass of water if she would ask, but just the attitude of forcing that shit on me. It's unhealthy in my opinion.

I have no problem doing something for her. Like picking her up from friends with my car or shit like that, but when it's the opposite she does not have time or I have to deal with it myself etc. and then we have this big argument again and I sort of ignore her after that. I then just focus on my own stuff and stop giving her attention and then she feels I am done with her and ONLY then she takes half a blame for her behaviour, but has to make the point that it is also my fault somehow for whatever dumb little argument we have.

Reason I am still with her is that I know she does care about me and love me. She does want to cuddle with me and kiss me and have sex with me etc. I am unfortunately for her, not just looking for that in a woman.

I am sort of porn free yes. Not sure which day I am on, but haven't watched porn for a couple months.

 

Spoke to my girl this morning after she again tried to change me of who I am.
She started arguing that when your life goal is to become rich it is a shitty life goal, because you will become a bad person and start to treat people badly and if you are gonna keep caring too much about money I am gonna leave you. She came up with one example of her grandfather dying unhappy because of this.

This was intended to me as I run my own business and I do value money a lot. Money to me is freedom, being able to care for others, being able to do what I want to do. I just told her that she has one example and that her opinion isn't really grounded on something sufficient.

Matter of fact, I am not asking for these random arguments coming my way of how I should live my life, because I am also not telling her how to live her life. I told her that all I want is peace and love and that she should accept the things I want to do in my life and leave me to it otherwise it is not gonna work out in the long run. She came up with that we will then have a fake relationship because she will then agree with whatever I do, even though she doesn't agree with them. I responded that we are just different people, different gender, different upbringings and we perceive the world from a different perspective.

I also mentioned that her ego is trying to obstruct me and herself. Like why would she want to bring me down to a low level of settling down for a low income, working an ordinary 9-5 job, doing household chores, not pursuing my dreams. Why would a woman even WANT that? It's just mindblowing to me. Don't girls want a man that is successful, has his shit together, can provide for his family and for friends in need and do fun stuff because he can?

She responded that she is afraid that I will change to a bad person because of money. But I am sort of changing more to a bad person because of her constant nagging than I ever will if I have money. I do have money now, but don't tell her about it. I know exactly how I am with money, and I know I am very generous and giving to other people who need it more than me. I sound like I am trying to justify myself here on this forum to random people, but I just want to give some context regarding the subject.

I gave her an ultimatum that we should work together, respect eachothers values and dreams and if I keep being told how to live my life, we should just move on and separate.

She said she understood it all, but also I received a lot of counter arguments, so I am just very curious how this is gonna end. I don't have high expectations, but I am open for one more chance.