Not sure I want to quit... I mean...here’s my story

I made it about 12 days with no P. I am going to be 49 and I have a habit that spans 20 plus years- really since I was a teen but with the advent of the internet... well you know the story.

I am writing my story right now as a healthy alternative to PMO. I like porn, and PMO is enjoyable. I just know that it is not healthy. I am about to start day 1 again in the morning.

As I mentioned in another post, it really got out of hand when I was on anti- depressants a few years ago and was living away from home for work. I masturbated in excess because the anti depressants were giving me a bad case of delayed ejaculation so I used porn to make sure I could still function. I wasn’t functioning well in the bedroom with my wife when it did happen. I couldn’t reach climax very easily at all and it was very frustrating. I almost felt justified in using porn to give me something I couldn’t get otherwise.

So, the ejaculation issue, being away from home. It was the perfect storm for a habit to form... an addiction if you will.

Moved home several years ago, and came off the Prozac over a year ago and my erections started coming back along with my sex drive but a nasty habit had formed- PMO.

Fast forward to today. My sex life is better but not as good as it could be. I believe part of the solution is to kick this addiction. I didn’t even want to admit it was an addiction for the longest time. For almost 12 days I didn’t view porn, but I continued to masturbate in the mornings.

One thing led to another and I was back viewing porn and masturbating. Fact is- I like the porn. I like to watch women have sex. Beautiful bodies. Their men satisfying them and ejaculating on them, in them. I am hooked on the fantasy. I know I can break free if I truly want to. I am just not sure I truly want to. Can anyone relate?

I mean from a moral standpoint I want to.

From a spending my time on more worthwhile endeavors I want to.

From a reboot standpoint to get my body and brain back to the point where I can thoroughly enjoy healthy sex. I want to.

But the porn is like a drug. You have to completely stay away from it. You have to abstain from masturbating without it. I underatand that now because it is a cycle. The M and the O just leads back to the P when you have an addiction.

I was so satisfied when I made it 12 days with no porn. That is huge after years and years of a habit. Anyone relate?

I am going to start day 1 again tomorrow, Monday. How does one truly break free?

I mean I have been doing this stuff for a long time.