Not dating and no marriage in my future

Welcome man, you can choose how to live your life obviously, we can change and we can take back control, this is why this is called the ultimate challenge.

what do you want for yourself?

 

I'm in a similar boat. I'm not completely avoiding relationships, but I'm not pursuing them either. Unless something very healthy comes up (which would have to include a healthy her and a healthy me, which won't happen until I do some work on my insides,) I'm just trying to be free from the active addiction of constant PMO or MO in general. or M. any of fit.

I have this idea that if we can stay strong and really take a good look at ourselves without distractions or cop-outs like porn or fapping, maybe we'll find out things about ourselves that we didn't even know were in there. Maybe we can re-establish new goals for relationships, with healthy approaches to them. OR maybe we can really learn to be happy with ourselves without the need for a relationship. Monks and priests do it. Something must be possible.

First thing's first. We have to try something different. We know all about fapping all day. Let's try it another way for a while and see what happens. We can always just go back to the old ways any time. I want to at least give this a real solid attempt.

 

Ferrari, in my opinion, your answer is right there in what you wrote. You said you want to get this under control and THEN puruse other interests or hobbies/activities that enlighten and fufil you.

My suggestion... don't wait to start doing those things! In fact, doing new things, trying out new activities and hobbies is the key to changing your life for the better.

I too have struggled with the idea of whether to have a relationship ever again. Right now I am single, and very happy in that phase after several years in a relationship that was bringing me down. Thinking of having a partner again is the furthest thing from my mind. My sole focus in my life now is developing myself to my highest potential and living life to the fullest. I want challenges, adventures, new experiences and to achieve new goals.

I believe that you want the same thing, but are somehow thinking you have to wait for your Fapping habit to subside. Trust me, just get started on your new goals. Get busy in your new life, get out of your comfort zone, and your Fap habit will become a thing of the past.

Fap only exists because you are bored and not living in the world enough. It doesn't mean you have to seek a relationship. You just have to make a list of things you want to do, and start doing them.

I hope that helps you.

 

Hi FerrariF2007,

I can really relate to how you feel. After my marriage broke up nearly 4 years ago now, I wondered how I would ever go on. I hated all women and was extremely cynical about them. I was fortunate to have a great support network around me. This included family and a fantastic counselor. I took some time to do a lot of learning about myself, and a lot of personal growth.

I was frustrated and anxious about my future. I was desperate for female attention, and extremely lonely. I used porn as a crutch.

Try not to worry about your future. It's a worthless time and energy vortex. Focus on the present. Focus on improving yourself. Focus on learning new skills and enjoy each daily success. Don't dwell in the past, and don't "make movies" about how your future might or might not turn out. Catch yourself in the act and stomp on it. It's insidious and detrimental.

Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

Stay present. Women are attracted to men who are present.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself permission, to try new things and fail at them. The only person you have to answer to, is yourself.

Take care and best wishes.

The Captain.

 

We're made for communion but not everyone is meant to be married. Single people can do things and go places married people cannot. They are free to serve others, travel, and live simply more than married people. As a married man, my family is my primary concern and where I spend most of my time. But single friends are free to go on mission trips, serve the poor, volunteer, and participate in group settings.

Since you do not have a spouse, look for healthy ways to live in community with friends and extended family. Some (many) married people might need help with their kids or personal lives! Reach out and you can find yourself by giving to others.