NoFap and Managomy? How is it done, please help.

You have experienced the consequences of your porn addiction. It has caused you to bond with fantasy women rather than your flesh and blood girlfriend.
Next time you are in a relationship, which will probably only happen once you give up porn again, ask yourself this: Do I really want to be in relationship with this person? Leave out the question of whether or not you will ever see another women in a sexual position again. The reason is, you don't really know if that is the case. You do know one thing for sure; if you do porn you are walking away from the relationship.
Connection is what you want. Not bonding with fantasy women. Check out this video.

 

Good question.

Strange how you can be comfortable when single and having not even one gf to appreciate, but then when you are with a gf, it's suddenly not enough.

If I were you, I think I would completely come clean with the girl, and if you still stay together you can work on it together. If she is cool with it, you could ask her to make use of different outfits and perhaps role playing in the bedroom to keep things fresh. You would obviously want to commit fully to being P and M free, and to be honest about relapses. I feel like I would have loved that with my ex but she took offence at everything and would have become irrationally insecure, thinking i did not want to be with her any more, so i turned to P to deal with it.

The thing with other girls is that they are fresh and exciting, compared to the one you know and love. The trick is probably all in our minds, and involves finding whatever (highly personal) ways two people can be together and do things for each other that re-ignite that freshness and excitement over and again. At least, that's how I see it. Another option is of course polyamory, but from what I gather it is as difficult if not more-so to manage as monogamy. I would prefer monogamy with the right partner, myself.

For sure. True connection is also nothing without careful honesty and a solid foundation of trust.

 

Mammals have an innate predisposition to seek new mates. This is called the Coolidge effect. We also, however, have a frontal lobe which allows us to override the limbic system which drives the urge. This is why I suggested asking yourself the question: What is it that I want? This will engage the frontal lobe. Another technique is when you have an urge or compulsion, instead of trying to wish it away or ignore it, say to yourself, "I notice I am feeling...(fill in the blank). This gives you a little space, a little separation from the feeling, while not driving it underground where it control you.

 

Yep, they discussed these kinds of things a fair bit on a recent JRE, with Bret Weinstein and his long term wife -

 

Hi my ex has PIED, and was an addict. Many men fall into the trap that having access to regular sex with a partner will mean they no longer use, it will cure the addiction, but it almost always makes it worse. PMO addiction has nothing to do with sex. PMO is a coping mechanism for stress for you, just Ike someone would drink alcohol. Relationships particularly new ones, create a ton of stress. If you do not have coping mechanisms to deal with that stress you will return to your old ways. That’s why I always discourage people not in recovery from dating, and encourage them if they do choose to date to be honest up front with their partner about their past, because even though the addicts almost always believe it wil not be a problem in the relationship, so no need to tell her, it almost always is indeed a problem in the relationship, and then the woman feels duped into a relationship with an addict. In the beginning the newness and excitement of sex can override the PMO addiction, but it eventually returns. YOu need to change your mindset around what an O is for you. Sex is a mutually bonding experience in a relationshp, not a means to O, for release or stress relief. Often stopping PMO is easier than actually changing your mindset. YOu need to get into some counseling and you need to come 100% clean with her immediately. If she leaves so be it, but it is not right to continue to keep this from her. True recovery can only come from absolute honesty with oneself and their partners. Good luck.

 

Wrong. It certainly has something to do with sex. (GG2002 will often say that it doesn't, and she knows it's untrue, but she continues to say this lie. But don't worry guys, I'm here to correct her. It only took me a few minutes this time to respond. You would think that for someone like GG2002 who often talks about guys' need to be honest, that she would be totally honest.)

But, to the rest of her post, she's right. She says some great things, especially how PMO is a coping mechanism for stress. It's also a coping mechanism for disappointment when a girl turns you down for a date, or when you feel unwanted by the opposite sex. I love the quote by Jim Morrison of The Doors: "women seem wicked when you're unwanted".

I also like when GG2002 says "Sex is a mutually bonding experience in a relationship, not a means to O, for release or stress relief." Unfortunately, us guys become hooked on porn early in life, when we don't know how to flirt or hit on girls. Later in life when we have more confidence with women, it's too late in that we're already hooked on porn. This is a main reason why we guys struggle with porn more than women - we have to suffer rejection as boys more than girls do, so we turn to porn as our coping mechanism.

 

Have you considered looking into polygamy or non-monogamy? And / or polyamory, for that matter (not the same things).

 

Porn isnt real sex. Its jacking off to pixels, keep that in mind. The people having sex in the porn are having real sex, but you are not.

 

If drug addiction was about the drug, then every person exposed to that drug would become addicted, but that does not happen in the real world.