Nice Guy Syndrome

I'm a nice guy. I am reliable, friendly, and a good listener. The last thing I want to be is the stupid thing called a "bad ass" (sounds like someone who doesn't know how to use toilet paper correctly). I despise fake swagger and guys drunk on their own testosterone. I am not addicted to attention, but I can hold a conversation very well and many people think I have a great sense of humour. I understand there are connotations with being called a nice guy, but people who look down on them may benefit from being a little nicer themselves.

 

There are nice guys and nice human being like you. I don't really like when people mistake those two.

 

Man you didn't correctly understand the concept. I assumed the same as you, but it isn't so.

 

Thanks for the thread. I read Glover's book recently and it really shook me. I felt like he could have been describing me specifically on many of those pages. I also saw how there is a very positive (not toxic) way forward, and I gained insight into many of my behaviors. It will all take some time to process...

I'll be interested to check out Aziz's book as well, thanks for mentioning it. I agree that Glover's book has some rather restricted gender role conceptions. Still there seems to be real value in his observations.

 

I think I do, but I have something different to add, that's all. No worries.

 

If it doesn't cause you any harm in your life then all good!

I'll read ir again as soon as I finish Not Nice. But honestly, I read No More Mr Nice Guy in 2 days. I've been working hard om the Not Nice book for two weeks now, and I'm only half way through. That's telling of how much information and insight that book contains!

There is hope guys. But swallowing the truth is rather painful.

 

Being a nice guy is a big problem. I used to be one of these ever pleasing guys. I believe it's a sign of low self-esteem and others can sense that fear in you. I think celibacy and a Spartan way of life is a way to go if you suffer from a "Nice Guy Syndrome". It takes extreme willpower to give up masturbation for good and lots of determination to do all the unpleasant but healthy tasks you have on your daily schedule without compromising. Most of the guys can't do that. Every time you don't feel like doing something, but you do it anyway because it's the right thing to do, be it suffering under a cold shower at 6 am in the morning, attacking the mountain on a bike when your body screams at you please no more or just returning a call to a boss you would like to postpone indefinitely, your self confidence grows. Buddha wrote:"Rule your mind or it will rule you." Once you become master of your own thoughts and actions, you won't allow yourself to be a mister nice guy anymore. You'll start to say and do what you believe is the right thing to do and say. I used to have no guts saying no to alcohol drinking when going out with friends for a drink. I live in a country where rejecting a beer is almost an insult. Now I have no problems saying no and drink coffee or mineral water when others drink alcohol. Same goes with women. I used to date a woman for a long time even though I knew she saw me only as her backup plan. I had no guts to stop seeing her even though she broke my heart many times. I was always there for her as her best pal. It was not until I was in a celibacy for six or seven months during my previous streak that I managed to say to her that she knows I love her and that I know she's just playing games with me and that I refuse to play her game anymore. She pretended to be shocked, but I just reaffirmed my stand. I was also a people-pleaser at work. I had no problems with coworkers, but we had a sociopath for a boss who used to call us names whenever he had a bad day. I used to allow him to bully me and did nothing. It took me few months of celibacy to say to him that I won't allow him to call me names anymore when he insulted me at the meeting by saying I'm a complete moron because of some outer event I had no control over. He lost it, ask me what will I do about it and continued with insults towards me. I looked him in his eyes and calmly but dead seriously replied that one more insult and he will be on his way to his dentist. He shut up in a moment, changed the subject, and didn't bother me ever since. Don't get me wrong, I still try to help people because it's the right thing to do, but I don't allow myself to be exploited anymore. I have no problem saying NO to anyone, if I think that's the right thing to do no matter the costs. Price of integrity can be high sometimes, but it's the only way to live life. My mentor used to repeat Zapata's quote:"It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees." So guys please kill mr. nice guy inside you. We were not meant to be slaves.

 

Hey, this was an interesting and motivating post. I worked out this morning and had it in the back of my mind. So thanks for that!

 

“Nice guys” are useful to a lot of bad people and pop culture will continue to encourage men to be pushovers no matter how many men get hurt.

 

I've started already to work on these issues. Let's see how it goes.