New year new relapse

Just before the new year's eve, I felt that this is the time I'd stop, I made a pact to god and to myself that I'd never get to porn again. I swore and It felt that it is it. I hit bad moods however in those days, I had my flatline so early, dead dick, dropped down libido and mood swings. I was depressed for most of the day and I was not able to study for my upcoming online exam, as a result I relapsed today, I just could not take it. I don't know why it is extremely hard this time. Some mistakes I have made however.

1) Gaming ; using my phone for long time is risky and precipitated in my relapse I was procrastinating my studying too so I was feeling like shit.

2) Thinking I was a pervert; just before my pact on 30 December, I was viewing too much extreme material and this really gave me some sort of depression and trauma,

3) Lack of social contact: I was avoiding being around my family or talking to my friends because I was feeling bad about myself.

4) Messed up sleeping pattern: my university has banned physical lectures due to covid-19 so my education is now 100% online, I get up at 5 pm and I spend most of my waking up hours alone at night. Even if I did not relapse, I get so lonely.

5) not taking responsibility for my actions and blaming everything, I need to get better initiative towards fixing the various aspects of my life and to take good care of myself

Finally, I hope that if any of you guys have planned to start a new streak for the new year, you need to actively change and do things that make it harder for you to relapse, waking up early, working out, hanging out with your family and friends and just enjoy life. I hope all the best for this year and to eventually succeed in getting on top of things. Don't lose hope and stay safe, peace ✌️

 

My plan for today and tomorrow is to:
- Pull off an all-nighter to fix up my circadian rhythm (resist sleep until the next day), I woke up at 6:00 pm today so it should be easy.
- Take a cold shower and pray
- Get the phone away from my sight
- Work on my assignment and study for my upcoming exam (oh god I'm so late)

For the upcoming week
- workout daily
- reach to a psychotherapist, I really can't do this on my own anymore, I need help
- Proper time management and start working on my goals

 

Buy a Dumb Phone