New Year’s resolution

Hi all,

It’s nice to meet you guys. Today I went to play Pickle ball and for the first time in a long time I felt alive.

I had been following the NoFap earlier a few years back. But went back to my old habits of consuming online content.

Background: I started watching porn as a teenager ~14 years old or so. Today I’m 24 and for 10 years I have been struggling with being a masturbator zombie (on and off). I’ve had relationships that have been affected due to this problem. Both inside my family and outside my family. During 10 years I haven’t been getting the best out of my life.

It might be that I’m just coming to terms with the fact that I didn’t achieve my dream of getting into a good university, when many of my friends did. When I was in high school (mostly because I was too distracted with PORN and partying and being a total fool). Until now I realized I never really worked for my dream. Submerging myself in PMO was like I was blinding myself to reality, but it was also like opening a door to an alternate reality where there is only “pleasure”.

I regret it because I will never get those years back.

Fortunately during university I was a little more distracted with classes and making new friends. Also I followed the NoFap for a while so I was able to go clean for months at a time. But the habit came back.

Curiously, not as porn. But social media is evil and every time I log in the algorithm finds a way to hook me on bikini girls or Russian models. Man they are hot.

But I’m just not satisfied with my decisions anymore. Last month I relapsed on porn again. There is a cascade of reasons that led me back to porn (but I won’t get into this right now).

So it’s a new year. I read YBOP. I don’t want to know more about stupid online novelty. I’m SICK of it.

I just want to live my life and be happy. I know I can’t get those years back, but you know what. There are still second opportunities (and third and fourth and so on). So I’ll take it. Even if that means that it will be a hard road.

Crazy how after only 10 days I’m already feeling more alive. Typically when I’m in these dark moments I socially retract. But today I went out with FRIENDS to play SPORTS and it was FUN.

I just pray that I can stick to my objective.