New to here, but been attempting NoFap for a while!

Hi all,

I'm 24 and have been struggling with porn addiction and ED for most of my life post-puberty. I was never an attractive kid in school so, depite losing my virginity at 16 (but not finishing), never really had a lot of physical experiences with girls until the last couple of years. I've recently grown into my looks and had been getting attention from girls and when I went back with them Mr Floppy started screwing me over. So after finding out about why I had this issue, maybe a couple of years back, I kept trying. And failing. My longest streak was 28 days but I have done to 10/15 days countless times.

I now have a girlfriend who I met while working on ships who is the sweetest most lovely beautiful girl I've met. While we were together on the ship I had to lie to her saying the reason I couldn't get it up was because I'd never slept with a girl who I've had feelings for before and it was all freaking me out (she knew I'd only had one girlfriend before, for 3 months on the same ship a year earlier - who broke up with me due to my incapacities). I managed to get it up when I saw her in Barcelona for my birthday for a night a few months back, having gone 18 days NoFap previously and it was amazing, but afterwards I fell back into old habits (she was still on a ship and I was on land). After joining her ship for a week just recently, the first night I managed it again (Yay! - maybe I'm not as completely broken as I thought), but couldn't for the rest of the week, except by her handjobs (OK, maybe I am).

So I came back and went on mini 1-day binge, and then a 4 day streak no PMO, but as soon as I got the flat to myself I PMO'd last night and this morning.

As I'm totally fed up with not being able to enjoy being with my girlfriend and having to lie to her about the reasons why (it was too embarrassing at the start and now I'm in too deep) I decided to join here and make this post. This is the first time I've ever written out what is happening to me, or told anyone, even anonymously like here as I am a confident, fairly successful person and I don't think anyone would expect it of me, and my ego couldn't take it!

So this time I'm hoping I can get to 30 days for the first time in my life, and have set up K9 and have noted my triggers (stress, home alone, facebook/reddit, my imagination). I'm trying this time to think about doing it for myself rather than for the way I want to be seen. Also my girlfriend will be coming over to stay with me for a few weeks after her ship contract in just under 90 days so I feel like it really is now or never.

Thanks for reading, and hopefully this is the beginning of the end!